You may wonder why our life differs from that of your friends, or why financial stability has eluded us, leaving you with missed opportunities and memories of the turbulent times we endured. The echoes of your father’s abuse and our struggles with homelessness linger, making it hard to fathom why I chose to marry him or how those choices continue to affect us.
He was charming and magnetic, and my self-esteem was fragile. He exploited my insecurities, convincing me that his love was unique and irreplaceable. Our whirlwind romance led to marriage within months. However, as time passed, he slowly began to erode my spirit, starting with subtle remarks about jealousy and exerting financial control over me.
Raised in a religious environment, I was taught to submit to my husband and merge our finances. Although I felt deep down that this was wrong, I believed divorce was not an option. I feared that no one would believe my truth. His jealousy intensified, dictating what I wore, who I spoke to, and my daily activities. It was so gradual that I hardly noticed how much I had lost myself. While he didn’t resort to physical violence initially, he wielded total control over my life.
Desperately wanting a child, I felt the pressure from my parents, our church, and your father. I aimed to please everyone, including myself, and yearned to become a mother. When I struggled to conceive, I felt broken and unworthy. Finally, after nearly two years, I found out I was pregnant with you. It took special diets and immense stress, and I didn’t even realize I was expecting until I was nearly 13 weeks along! I was filled with joy yet also dread, as your due date coincided with Father’s Day—a day he believed should be solely his.
Your birth was a challenge, and recovery from complications took time. Almost immediately after, I was pressured to have another child and, surprisingly, I became pregnant again. With two little ones relying on me, I recognized that I had to escape our toxic environment. You inspired me to find the courage to leave. I envisioned a brighter future for you than the one we had known.
When I finally decided to leave, he became violent, and I know you remember that terrifying moment. Fortunately, the police intervened and removed him from our lives. For a year, we navigated court appearances while moving frequently to escape his stalking. He wasn’t imprisoned due to it being his first documented offense.
After a year, we relocated, and I began to rebuild our lives. However, the shadows of our past and the trauma we faced loomed large. The nightmares we shared, along with the behavioral issues you and your sister faced, were overwhelming. Financial struggles from living expenses, court fees, and therapy drained our resources, making the life I dreamed of for you feel out of reach.
Years have passed since we left, and while you may have faint memories, I hope you never fully grasp the depth of our struggles. What I want you to understand is that even if our lifestyle isn’t what I envisioned, we are safe now.
I want you to learn from my journey. Be resilient, embrace your individuality, and never let anyone diminish your worth. Remember, domestic violence is never the victim’s fault, and regardless of our past, we hold the power to shape our future. We determine our paths, our identities, our homes, and our dreams.
Though our beginnings were fraught with challenges, I refuse to let that define us. Together, we are strong, and we will create the life you envision.
With all my love,
Mom
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