Thud! My son just got blindsided while lounging on the floor, engrossed in a TV show. His brother, clad only in his underwear—a perfect outfit for a tussle—launches a surprise attack. In an instant, chaos erupts; elbows and knees flail amidst a cacophony of thumps and playful grunts, with bodies colliding on the carpet.
Then, just as quickly, they return to the screen, side by side, as if they weren’t just engaged in a mini wrestling match moments before. This is precisely why my living room is largely open in the center, with furniture pushed against the walls—a layout that would surely raise eyebrows among design enthusiasts. There are few certainties in life, but one is clear to any mother of boys: roughhousing is an everyday occurrence, often multiple times a day.
To avoid broken items or potential injuries, I’ve learned to keep my valuable possessions safely tucked away. Honestly, trying to prevent my sons from bumping into things while they play is like attempting to convince an octopus to wear pajamas—nearly impossible.
In my earlier parenting days, before four boys turned me into a seasoned expert, I was the mom who would rush in at the first hint of rough play, fearing injuries or the risk of raising bullies. “Play nice!” I would call out, only to discover a surprising truth: for them, roughhousing is their way of being nice. There’s no malicious intent; it’s simply their version of bonding.
Throughout my decade-plus journey of raising boys, I have witnessed not only my children but countless others engage in this vigorous play. While not every boy has the same level of physicality—some, especially those without brothers, are less inclined to engage—most boys naturally gravitate towards this type of interaction. It’s a crucial aspect of their relationships.
If you allow yourself to look beyond the instinct to bubble wrap your little wrestlers, you’ll uncover numerous benefits to their playful antics. For starters, it’s an excellent source of exercise and a fantastic way for them to expend excess energy. However, that’s just the beginning.
As highlighted by Dr. Mark Sullivan and psychologist Emily Foster in their insightful book, The Benefits of Roughhousing: Why Kids Need Play, such physical play enhances emotional intelligence. Children learn to rev up and calm down, equipping them to manage strong feelings effectively. The book also discusses a concept known as “self-handicapping,” where the stronger child adjusts their strength not to inflict harm but to ensure everyone has fun. This crucial distinction separates playful roughhousing from actual fighting—there’s no malice involved.
Engaging in roughhousing helps children become attuned to each other’s reactions, teaching them to read body language and facial expressions. They learn to stop immediately when they sense discomfort or hear a firm “stop.” This type of play sharpens their reflexes and enhances their mental agility as they anticipate their opponent’s next move while strategizing their own. Moreover, for boys, who may not always express their feelings verbally, roughhousing can strengthen friendships. Nothing conveys “I appreciate you” quite like a well-timed body slam, right?
While I may risk my decorative items in the midst of their playful chaos, I take comfort in knowing my children are safe. When you delve into the motivations behind their antics, it’s clear that this is not a hostile power struggle but rather a healthy pastime. I may never fully understand why my boys find joy in something as silly as an armpit to the face, but given the positive outcomes, I’ll continue to let it unfold. Perhaps I’ll just invest in more couch pillows.
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Summary:
This article explores the benefits of allowing boys to engage in roughhousing. It emphasizes that this form of play fosters emotional intelligence, strengthens friendships, and provides essential exercise. Instead of stifling their natural instincts, parents are encouraged to embrace the chaos, recognizing that roughhousing is a healthy and beneficial aspect of their children’s development.