“Why won’t you take a shower?”
“Because Dad didn’t ask me nicely.”
I was taken aback. My almost 9-year-old son sat half-dressed on the bathroom floor, refusing to hop into the shower, citing that he hadn’t been asked properly. To be fair, I knew my husband had already asked him “nicely” multiple times, but I was sure he raised his voice around the fourth or fifth attempt.
Taking a deep breath, I looked at my chilly, unbathed child and said calmly, “I’m asking you nicely. Please step into the shower; you’re cold and dirty.”
To my relief, he complied.
As he washed off the day’s dirt, I contemplated our family’s communication style. It often seems that the first, second, or even third requests go unheard, leading to a louder fourth request. I thought back to times when I had been on the receiving end of a yell. It’s uncomfortable and humiliating, not at all motivating. I certainly don’t enjoy being the one yelling; it frustrates me, damages my voice, and I often wonder if it has any real effect.
I never envisioned our home as a yelling space, yet it happens more than my pre-kids self could ever have anticipated. When my son emerged from the shower, I made a commitment: no more yelling.
I resolved to calmly repeat myself as many times as necessary, doing so with a smile. If a behavior called for a consequence, I would clearly state it and move on. I aimed to embody calmness and serenity. If I wanted to nurture children who could manage their emotions, I had to exemplify that myself—even in a household with three kids under nine, all on a school break.
Once he got out of the shower, he demanded, “Get me my sweats.”
I smiled and replied, “They’re at the foot of the bed; please get dressed.” Then I left the room.
Five minutes later, I noticed he hadn’t moved. I returned to find him half-dressed and engrossed in a book. “Oh, good! You’re getting dressed. Could you please finish up? Dinner is ready,” I said before stepping back out. A minute later, he joined me—fully dressed.
This pattern continued over the next few days. I calmly asked him to do things, sometimes several times, but never raised my voice. We successfully navigated through the school break, two plane rides, and a four-hour car journey. The ultimate test arrived on the first morning back at school. I prepared by laying out their clothes, bags, socks, shoes, and coats the night before to ensure everything was ready.
That Monday morning, I woke the kids, got them through breakfast, even managed to brush their teeth and dress them appropriately for the weather. We left the house right on schedule, all without a single yell.
Two weeks have passed, and I’ve even gotten my husband on board with this new approach. I can’t claim that my kids are more obedient; they’ve definitely had their moments of squabbling, refusing to eat dinner, and debating bedtimes, with consequences still being handed out. We frequently repeat ourselves, but now, when the fifth request is made, it’s as calm as the first. My patience has been tested, but our home feels significantly more peaceful.
This experiment is in its early phases, and I’ll be curious to see how it holds up through the teenage years. For now, it’s fostering a happier atmosphere in our household, and it’s a change I intend to maintain.
If you’re interested in more parenting insights, check out this article for helpful tips on effective communication with kids. For those considering home insemination, this resource offers great information, and you can also explore Wikipedia for an in-depth understanding of artificial insemination.
Summary:
In a personal journey of parenting, a mother reflects on her decision to stop yelling at her children. Through calm communication and patience, she finds that her home is becoming a more peaceful environment, even amidst the challenges of raising three young kids.