Family bonding time is undeniably important, and I cherish it deeply. Yet, with our children now aged 6 and 7, they’re growing more independent. They can confidently place orders at restaurants, express their comfort levels, and even grab a sweater when they feel chilly. They manage their school outfits, can recite their favorite breakfast items, and have mastered tying their shoelaces. They know where the extra toilet paper is kept and can read most school notices, not to mention they can tell time.
All these milestones signaled to me that it was finally time for my husband, Jake, and me to break free from our daily routines and the constant cycle of laundry, meal prep, and homework. Our kids have had a wonderful early childhood. Thanks to our incredibly affordable daycare options (just $7 a day in Canada!), they’ve never needed to attend, as our work schedules have allowed us to be present for them.
I typically get the kids up, dressed, and fed breakfast before dropping them off at school. Jake picks up our daughter at 10:45 and our son at 11:30 for lunch since we live just a few blocks away. He cooks their lunch, takes them back, and then picks them up again at 3:30 after preparing dinner—made from scratch, as he trained in a prestigious French restaurant. He often misses that meal because I return just after school, leaving him to head back to work. Once home, my evening consists of baths, homework, piano practice, reheating dinner, and bedtime stories. After they’re asleep, I tackle household chores and laundry, and Jake finishes any remaining tasks the next day.
While this arrangement is fantastic for the kids—providing them with quality time with both parents, a shorter school day compared to their peers in after-school care, and two home-cooked meals daily—it leaves little room for Jake and me to connect. Our interactions have become limited to a quick morning kiss, a lingering one in the driveway, and late-night discussions if I manage to stay awake. Saturdays are consumed by swimming and judo classes, while Sundays—the one day we have free for family time—often feel like a rare luxury.
Jake and I fell in love in an intense, whirlwind romance in our early 30s, quickly becoming parents with kids just 15 months apart. Life has been a delightful chaos since then, yet we maintain a strong friendship, an active romantic life, and a shared vision for parenting and household decisions. However, I recognize that neglecting our relationship could lead us down a path of disconnection, which is all too common among parents we know.
We decided to take a bold step for our relationship: we embarked on a three-week trip, leaving our kids with their grandparents. We prepared detailed instructions, complete with their schedules, emergency contacts, and health cards. We backpacked through Cuba, exploring off-the-beaten-path locales, communicating mostly through gestures due to our limited Spanish. With no cell service and internet access only sporadically, we experienced a digital detox.
We slept under the stars, indulged in street-side 60-cent pizzas, and savored 5-cent coffees. We wandered the iconic Malecon in Havana, sipping rum from unmarked bottles as the midnight breeze enveloped us. Our only obligations were bus departures and hotel check-out times, allowing us to relish our freedom. We visited engaging museums, snorkeled, hiked, and even napped in public parks. I spent afternoons lost in novels while Jake enjoyed fishing. The spontaneous intimacy we shared was refreshing, as stress and schedules became mere memories.
At 40, we rediscovered the thrill of travel as if we were 20 again. We talked about our kids, yes, but we also delved into who we are as a couple, discussing our dreams, past adventures, and shared laughter.
As I reflect on our time together, I realize that I have a responsibility to model a loving relationship for my children. I refuse to let our commitment to family overshadow the bond I share with Jake. I have no regrets about our choices, especially when I witness the happiness and growth of our children.
However, I am mindful that one day they will grow up and forge their paths. I want to leave them with memories of a vibrant relationship—like walking in on Jake and me sharing a kiss amid household chaos or laughing until we cry together. These experiences are the best gifts we can offer them, setting a standard for #relationshipgoals they can aspire to in their futures. I want our children to understand that a fulfilling family life can coexist with a passionate adult relationship, one I would choose again without hesitation.
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To summarize, my husband and I took a much-needed break to focus on our relationship, proving that prioritizing our connection not only benefits us but also sets a positive example for our children.