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- When Your Son Admires Princesses While Society Expects Him to Prefer Trucks
by Jessica Monroe
Updated: Aug. 31, 2020
Originally Published: April 5, 2018
I have a son who is enchanted by princesses. His top pick is Elsa, but he also has a fondness for Belle and Moana. He wraps his small, three-year-old body in his cherished winter-white fleece blanket—the same one he’s had since he was a baby—and exclaims, “Look at me, Mommy. I’m Elsa. I’m different.”
When he says “different,” he means he’s not the Elsa from the beginning of the movie, but the one who has transformed into her ice gown after running away. This is the Elsa who has changed, just as my little one has. Both are unique, stepping outside the narrow confines of societal expectations.
My heart swells with pride at his creativity and enthusiasm, yet it also bears the weight of anxiety and fear. As he twirls in his soft, fuzzy dreamland singing “Let It Go,” a pang of apprehension stabs at my gut.
He is so perfect and so passionate. And yet, he is also vulnerable to the harsh judgments of others. I know that cruelty awaits him; I can already envision someone laughing at his admiration for Elsa and her stunning ice gown, a gown he longs for every time we stroll through the Disney aisle at Target.
Each time he asks for it, I feel a mix of caution and uncertainty. I don’t want to encourage him, fearing that it may lead to a painful future. Yet, I also don’t want to discourage him, as that too could result in suffering. Either choice seems to lead to hurt.
I have witnessed those close to me embrace their uniqueness only to face cruel reactions from society’s narrow-mindedness. Conversely, I have seen others suppress their true selves and suffer from self-loathing. So, what should I say to him?
The reality is painful—no matter how I respond—because society has constructed rigid notions about what boys and girls should enjoy. Boys are expected to love trucks and rough play, while girls are supposed to adore glitter and dresses. That’s the rule.
Ironically, society promotes clichés encouraging individuality: “Be Yourself. Express Yourself. Listen to Your Inner Voice. Break the Mold.” But these maxims often ring hollow. Society only applauds individuality when it conforms to its predefined gender norms.
Being authentic can be challenging, especially for a boy who doesn’t align with societal expectations. Girls who climb trees or play sports face less scrutiny. They are often celebrated as “tomboys,” but no equivalent term exists for boys who enjoy “girl” things. Society frowns upon boys who revel in princesses or pink hues.
Someone has already influenced my son to question his preferences. I’m not sure who, but I can sense it. Recently, he has repeatedly asked me, “Mommy, are pink and purple girl colors?” Each time, the question makes me cringe. “No, sweetie. Boys can wear pink and purple too. Anyone can wear any color they like. Remember, Daddy’s football team wears purple, and they’re all boys.”
He nods in understanding, and I pull him close, wishing I could shield him from the world’s harsh judgments. “I’m Elsa, and I’m different,” he declares, spinning in his beloved fleece blanket.
I think of his “different” Elsa—the one who was forced to hide who she truly was until the moment her authentic self nearly destroyed her and those she loved. I refuse to let that happen to my sweet, innocent, passionate son. If he adores princesses, the color pink, Peppa Pig’s playhouse, and Strawberry Shortcake, then I won’t stifle those feelings. I won’t bury his emotions under societal norms.
Ultimately, this decision may lead to pain for both of us. One day, his innocence will be challenged, and when that time comes, my heart will ache too. Yet, I believe it will hurt far less than teaching him to deny who he is and to hate his feelings.
I have no idea if my son will maintain this affection for princesses as he grows. Perhaps he will embrace it as a teenager or as an adult, and if he does, that’s perfectly fine. If he moves on to different interests, that’s okay too. The only one who truly knows what lies ahead is our all-loving God.
For now, my son loves princesses and pink, and that is entirely acceptable. I love him, and I genuinely believe love is the antidote to hate. To foster this, we must first embrace ourselves. So when my son asks for an Elsa gown for Christmas, my response must be, “Of course.” I need to affirm to him that he is not just acceptable—he is extraordinary. He is different, and that makes him unique. Elsa would be proud.
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In summary, fostering an environment where your child can express themselves freely is crucial. While societal pressures can be daunting, nurturing their passions and individuality is vital for their emotional well-being.