Updated: April 4, 2023
Couples who split household chores, especially dishwashing, tend to experience a healthier sex life and overall relationship satisfaction. As someone who has been married for years, I often find myself feeling frustrated while tackling the never-ending pile of dishes. But what if I told you there’s scientific backing to why this chore can lead to relationship strain?
According to a recent study highlighted by The Atlantic, the Council on Contemporary Families found that dish duty is among the most contentious chores in a partnership. When one partner bears the brunt of washing dishes, it often results in feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction, potentially leading to a decline in intimacy. While the report examines various household responsibilities like laundry and shopping, the emphasis on shared dishwashing is particularly pronounced.
Women who find themselves washing the majority of the dishes frequently report lower relationship satisfaction and increased conflict. The study indicates that sharing this unpleasant task correlates with a happier partnership.
Why is this the case?
“Washing dishes can be quite unpleasant,” explains Dr. Mark Thompson, a sociologist at the University of California, and the primary researcher behind the study. “You’re dealing with all sorts of remnants—stale food, dirty utensils, and if you have kids, the occasional sippy cup filled with old milk.” The thought of engaging in intimacy after handling something so unappealing isn’t appealing at all.
Dr. Thompson also points out that the emotional labor involved in doing dishes often goes unrecognized. Unlike cooking, where compliments might flow, clean dishes are simply expected. “What do you say? ‘Wow, the plates are so shiny’?” he quips.
Traditionally, household chores that women undertake tend to involve dealing with messes made by others—cleaning bathrooms, doing laundry, and yes, washing dishes. In contrast, men often take on tasks like taking out the trash or mowing the lawn, which can feel more gratifying.
A Shift in Responsibilities
Fortunately, there is a shift happening. The CCF report notes an increase in couples who share dishwashing responsibilities—rising from 16% to 29% between 1999 and 2006. However, that still leaves a significant portion of couples not sharing the burden, which can lead to feelings of envy, especially when seeing friends whose partners actively contribute.
Dishes are unique in that they allow for teamwork and conversation. As Dr. Thompson notes, “You can wash, rinse, and dry together, making it a shared experience.” If you find yourself alone at the sink while your partner relaxes, it might be time for a heart-to-heart about sharing this chore. Who knows? It could lead to a more romantic evening afterward.
For more on relationship dynamics and shared responsibilities, check out this insightful resource from Modern Family Blog. And if you’re exploring options for starting a family, the CDC offers excellent guidance on pregnancy and home insemination. You can even consider the CryoBaby Home Insemination Kit for those looking for alternative paths to parenthood.
In summary, sharing the dishwashing load could lead to greater intimacy and relationship satisfaction. It’s a simple yet effective way to enhance your partnership.