Pregnancy can be a remarkable experience, often filled with the promise of joy and love. However, it’s also a journey that can bring about a whirlwind of emotions, and it’s perfectly okay if you’re not buzzing with excitement.
As a birth worker, I have the unique opportunity to support many expectant families as they navigate the path to parenthood. Recently, I met a couple anticipating their first child. During our conversation about their entrepreneurial ventures, the mother casually mentioned how relieved she was that they had managed to keep their pregnancy private. With a hint of obligation in her voice, she added, “It’s nice to savor this excitement just between us.”
While I might be projecting my own feelings onto that moment, her choice of the word “excitement” felt forced—like she felt she needed to express joy that she wasn’t genuinely feeling. My heart ached for her.
In our society, pregnancy is often viewed as a joyous occasion. While it’s acceptable to discuss challenges like fatigue and morning sickness, expressing anything less than overwhelming happiness about a new child is often frowned upon. Yet, the reality is that pregnancy can be an emotional rollercoaster, filled with anxiety, fear, and even shame.
I recall a conversation with a first-time mother who bravely confessed her fear of becoming a parent. Despite her planned pregnancy, she worried she might struggle to connect with her baby. “I’ve never admitted this before… it sounds terrible,” she said, a wave of shame washing over her. I wished I could comfort her, assuring her that her feelings were valid and completely normal. Her relief was immediate; “No one has ever told me it’s okay to feel this way.”
Why had no one informed her that her emotions were valid? Because in a culture that equates babies with bliss, many expectant parents feel pressured to suppress their true feelings. This needs to change. It is crucial for pregnant individuals to feel safe expressing all their emotions surrounding pregnancy—every feeling is normal! Hiding behind a façade can be unhealthy and may contribute to perinatal mood disorders.
From personal experience, I understand the weight of these feelings. After marrying soon after college, my husband and I decided to start a family right away. I thought I wanted this—so I put on a brave face while announcing our pregnancy. Yet, internally, I felt a mix of anxiety and fear. My pregnancy was shrouded in a veneer of happiness that masked the turmoil within me. I grappled with my identity as I transitioned to being a stay-at-home mom and felt guilt when I experienced concerning symptoms. I was overwhelmed with anxiety about bonding with my child, particularly after learning I was having a son instead of the daughter I hoped for. The guilt was suffocating, and I left my baby shower in tears, burdened by the fear of not feeling the excitement others expected from me.
This internal battle led to a severe depression shortly after my second child was born. While there were other factors involved, the absence of cultural support and the invalidation of my feelings played significant roles in my mental health struggles.
Therefore, it’s essential to approach expectant parents with empathy. When asking about their pregnancy journey, be genuine and validate their feelings. It’s okay to be uncomfortable, but don’t shy away from these conversations. If you’re an expectant parent, honor your emotions and seek out a supportive community. If you struggle to find that support, consider reaching out to a birth worker (like a doula) who can provide the affirmation you need. There are also valuable resources, such as the NHS, that can assist you on this journey. Remember, you are not alone. And if you’re looking for additional options, check out this home insemination kit as a helpful resource.
In summary, it’s vital to recognize that not feeling excited about pregnancy is entirely normal. Parents should feel empowered to express their feelings, no matter what they may be. Don’t hesitate to find a supportive outlet for your emotions, and remember that your feelings are valid.