When my child’s caregiver remarked that I was the only new mom she had ever met who didn’t shed a tear on my first day back at work after maternity leave, a small part of me felt a sense of achievement. However, a much larger part questioned if I was truly devoted enough to my daughter.
As I walked to the subway on my second day as a working mom, I imagined a black heart emoji hovering over my head, a constant reminder of my supposed lack of emotional attachment while I strove to find a balance between work and family life. Surely, there had to be something wrong with me for not crying as I said goodbye to my little one. Why wasn’t I moved to tears by her adorable coos while I explained that I would return in about ten hours? How could I not be upset knowing this would be the longest period we’d ever been apart? I would have to pump breast milk instead of feeding her directly, and I wouldn’t know how many times she pooped until later. I wouldn’t even know if she learned to suck her thumb until I received a text update.
The reality is, three months into motherhood, I was already looking forward to reclaiming a piece of my former life. In fact, my choice to return to work was made without any internal conflict. While the early days of caring for my daughter were filled with precious moments, it became clear that being a stay-at-home mom was not the right fit for me.
As my return date drew closer, my excitement grew over the thought of spending 8 to 10 hours a day engaged in fulfilling work. I also looked forward to interacting with other adults, using the restroom without a baby in my arms, and enjoying meals at my leisure! I trusted my child’s nanny completely, having carefully selected her from a pool of candidates. I recognized that working—and holding onto a piece of my pre-baby identity—was essential for my mental health.
Of course, there are times during the workday when I miss my daughter. I long to hold her and see her toothless grin. But I haven’t experienced any emotional trauma from being away from her, nor have I cried. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine!
I’m not a black heart emoji just because I enjoy my time outside the home. I wholeheartedly love both my job and my little girl. I’m more like a shining pink heart with sparkles around it, even if I need to remind myself that there isn’t a single “right” way to be a mother. For more insights on motherhood, you can check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
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Summary
Embracing the role of a working mom can bring joy and fulfillment, as it allows women to maintain their identities while also nurturing their children. This article reflects on the author’s experience of returning to work after maternity leave, emphasizing that every mother’s journey is unique and valid.