It’s 11 PM. My kids are finally tucked in after what feels like a marathon of bedtime negotiations. While my body is begging for rest, my mind is racing with a million thoughts. I’m consumed by the never-ending to-do list, the errands I should have completed, and the overwhelming realization that I’m not measuring up. I desperately want to be a fantastic mom and a supportive partner. I want everyone at home to thrive, all while excelling at work.
Juggling all these responsibilities is no easy feat. And as much as I wish I could be an amazing friend (or at least a somewhat decent one), I find myself falling short right now.
I’m not looking for sympathy. If I can carve out time for the occasional binge-watch session, I should certainly be able to respond to your messages. Yet, here are just a few of the reasons why I might have ghosted you:
- I thought about reaching out, but it was 6 AM, a time when most people are still dreaming.
- I misplaced my phone—again.
- Our cat decided to leave an unexpected gift on the floor.
- One of my kids had an unfortunate accident, and I was knee-deep in cleanup mode.
- I mentally replied but totally forgot to follow through.
- I lost track of time while my child held onto my phone, seeking a moment of silence.
- I promised myself I’d call or text when I had a spare moment, but that moment never arrived.
- Someone had another toilet disaster.
- By the time I remembered, I was already drifting off to sleep.
- My anxiety can sometimes paralyze me; I want to talk, but I can’t seem to make that first move.
You get the picture. Life has a way of getting in the way. It’s not that I don’t value our friendship; I’m just a bit overwhelmed with everything happening in my life.
I do care deeply about my friends, and if something serious were to occur, I’d be there in a heartbeat. However, when it comes to the daily chit-chat, I admit that I’m falling behind. It’s a challenge to keep up.
Friendships in our 20s felt so different. We had the luxury of time and money without the added stress of finding babysitters. We could stay out late and laugh away our hangovers the next day. Those were the days, right?
Now, in our 30s, we rely on sporadic texts and make plans we know might fall through. When we finally manage a night out, we savor every moment, but we’re also ready to return home and unwind by 10 PM. Exhaustion is a constant companion, and we have responsibilities awaiting us the next morning.
Very few of us can recall the last time we enjoyed a full night’s sleep. We’re all striving for a balance that accommodates our families, careers, and personal well-being.
When I do manage to steal some time for myself, I often prefer solitude. I love listening to music, relaxing, and enjoying my own company. It’s blissful.
Moms pour so much into our families, making sure our kids are taken care of before we think about our own needs. For the vast majority of us, they are our top priority. That leaves a tiny sliver of time—0.01%—for ourselves. Yes, sometimes self-care looks like curling up with Netflix. Other times, it means indulging in a late-night snack raid after the kids are asleep. We need these moments to restore our energy and recharge.
I want you to know that I still cherish my friends, even if my priorities have shifted while navigating the challenges of raising small children, maintaining my marriage, and taking care of myself.
But this phase is temporary. Soon enough, my kids will become more self-sufficient, and I’ll find more time for everyone. So please don’t forget about me or think for a second that I’ve forgotten about you. Once the fog clears and I can catch my breath, I’ll be eager to schedule some coffee time with my favorite people.
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In summary, life can get overwhelming, but I still value my friendships and look forward to reconnecting in the future.