Motherhood is often depicted through the lens of stretch marks, sleepless nights, and the inevitable changes our bodies undergo. We hear about diaper days, breastfeeding challenges, and the importance of car seat safety. However, there are countless aspects of this journey that remain unspoken. Why is no one talking about the profound guilt that can accompany motherhood?
There’s the “working mom guilt,” the “too many kids and not enough attention guilt,” the “I only have one child and he needs a sibling guilt,” and even the “why am I not more fun?” guilt. It’s a relentless cycle, and as our children grow, new forms of this guilt seem to emerge around every corner. Thanks for that, motherhood!
Right now, I find myself grappling with the “I’m finally focusing on myself and feeling guilty about it” guilt. It’s challenging because while I’m diving into something I love—something that brings me joy—the guilt feels like a series of tiny daggers piercing my heart throughout the day.
I often feel remorseful knowing that my firstborn experienced a different version of me than my youngest. During the five years leading up to kindergarten, my eldest had a mother who was lonely, bored, and yearning for social connections. We attended playdates, visited parks, and frequented coffee shops. I was fully immersed in the stay-at-home mom role—crafting (yes, we made a birdhouse out of an old juice container that quickly fell apart) and engaging in educational activities.
I thought that immersing myself in my child’s life would bring me fulfillment, yet I often felt empty. The guilt of “why don’t I enjoy motherhood as much as I thought I would?” weighed heavily on me.
When my daughter arrived, I began transitioning into a new version of myself. I discovered writing and was surprised to find that people enjoyed my work. The realization that I could engage in something beyond the constant caregiving was exhilarating. This new passion provided me with a sense of purpose and energy that motherhood alone hadn’t fulfilled.
Although I continued to participate in playdates and school activities, my self-identity began to shift. By the time my youngest was born, I had become a different mom—one who works from home rather than simply staying at home. This child has never known the fully devoted stay-at-home mom that his older sibling had. While I still enjoy spending quality time with my children, my days are more structured, and my time is limited. Now, my youngest might receive an hour of dedicated attention, unlike the endless minutes I had to offer before.
Despite the guilt that sometimes creeps in, I also experience a profound sense of fulfillment. I feel valued and successful in my work, even as I navigate the complexities of motherhood. While I cherish the friendships I formed during those early parenting days, I realized that I needed more than just those interactions.
By embracing the work-from-home mom identity, I’m not only filling my own cup but also demonstrating to my children the importance of self-care. I often reflect on my time spent with them and strive to improve daily. There’s a balance I try to maintain, such as putting away my computer to engage in nature walks or board games.
Ultimately, the journey of motherhood may be fraught with guilt, but it’s also filled with the opportunity for personal fulfillment. To learn more about balancing family life and personal aspirations, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination from Parents.
For those on a fertility journey, you might also find valuable insights in this blog post about couples’ fertility journeys and artificial insemination kits.
In summary, motherhood is a complex tapestry woven with joy, love, and often unacknowledged guilt. Each mother’s experience is unique, and embracing our individual paths can lead to greater satisfaction and fulfillment.