Parenting
What You May Not Realize When You Encounter My ‘Only Child’
by Julia Thompson
Updated: Aug. 15, 2023
Originally Published: March 16, 2023
It’s a question that frequently comes my way: “Are you planning to have more children?” Curiosity often leads people to inquire when they see me with just one child. Yet, it’s the remark that often follows that truly stings. A casual comment that people don’t recognize as hurtful: “You really should have more kids. Your daughter can’t be an only child!”
Is there something inherently wrong with having just one child? On the surface, we resemble any typical family of three. The laughter and joy radiating from us might paint a picture of the ideal family. However, if you delve deeper, you’ll discover a rich tapestry of experiences that includes years of struggles with infertility, the anguish of losing a child, and the anxiety surrounding a premature birth. This is why I wish folks would refrain from asking whether my husband and I intend to expand our family.
From a young age, I envisioned myself as a mother. I often dreamed of a life filled with two children, a loving partner, a dog, and a cozy home with a white picket fence. But, as life has shown me, reality can deviate from one’s plans. For years, my husband and I faced the heartache of infertility. Each month was a cycle of hope and disappointment, only to be met with a negative pregnancy test. It felt as if fate was playing a cruel trick on us; why were two people who so desperately wanted children unable to conceive?
After enduring the pain of infertility, we were overjoyed to discover we were expecting triplets. Finally, our family was on the verge of completion. As we prepared with boxes of diapers and baby gear, our dreams took an unexpected twist. Five months into my pregnancy, I went into labor, and our three babies were born more than 17 weeks early.
Nothing can truly prepare you for the heartbreak of losing a child. It’s a tragedy that feels unreal, one that you never expect to confront. Within two months, two of our triplets had passed away. In those early days, I found myself enveloped in sorrow. Some mornings, getting out of bed felt like an insurmountable task.
As reality set in, I began to worry about how we would be perceived. After the loss of our first daughter, I wondered what people would say. Would they assume my surviving child was a twin? After my son passed away two months later, I found myself questioning what strangers would think. They had no way of knowing that our living daughter was actually part of a set of triplets. Would our two children in heaven be forgotten?
After countless therapy sessions and medical appointments, our surviving triplet is now a vibrant, healthy child. Her fragile beginnings have become a distant memory. As we embrace our life with one child here on earth and two in Heaven, my husband and I feel a sense of peace. Our family is joyful and whole, and we no longer dwell on the “what ifs.”
Recently, while shopping, a stranger initiated a conversation. After complimenting my daughter, she asked the dreaded question, “Are you going to have more children?” Though I recognized her intent as casual small talk, it still made me uneasy. I politely explained that we are complete with our miracle girl, and then I heard the comment I’ve come to despise: “She can’t be an only child.”
I managed a smile as tears threatened to spill. Taking a deep breath, I replied, “She’s not. She has a brother and sister in Heaven who love her dearly.” As I walked away, I looked at my daughter. To most people, she may appear as our only child, but in our hearts, she will always be a triplet. Our family is not defined by the number of children we have here; we are perfect just the way we are.
This article was originally published on March 16, 2023.
In conclusion, navigating the complexities of family dynamics can be challenging, particularly when faced with misconceptions about what constitutes a “complete” family. For those interested in fertility options, resources like this article on fertility boosters for men can be helpful. Additionally, for information on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource. For more insights on this topic, visit Modern Family Blog.