“What’s happening here?” I exclaimed, waking up from an exhausting four-hour nap—the longest I had slept since giving birth to my daughter just ten days prior. As I blinked away the sleep, I spotted my partner comfortably seated in the nursing chair, feeding our newborn with a bottle of formula we had received from a company during my pregnancy.
“I figured you’d be glad. You needed the rest,” my partner said, trying to justify his actions. He was right; I was a complete zombie, desperately needing sleep. But I felt an overwhelming surge of anger.
“Stop right there!” I rushed to grab my baby, tossing that two-ounce bottle across the room in a fit of rage. “You’re ruining my milk supply! She might get nipple confusion! What if she prefers the bottle over breastfeeding? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?”
“She was hungry!” he shot back. “And when did you become so adamant about breastfeeding? I thought you were part of the ‘fed is best’ group.”
He had a point. I had always intended to take a relaxed approach to feeding. Throughout my pregnancy, whenever someone asked if I would breastfeed, I confidently replied, “I’ll do my best!” I prided myself on being practical, recognizing that my unborn daughter was part of this decision. If breastfeeding didn’t work out, I would opt for formula without a second thought. After all, I knew plenty of formula-fed children who grew up to be successful adults.
I had done my homework and was aware that some breastfeeding advocates could be as overzealous as those who avoided any indulgence during pregnancy. Armed with insights from Emily Oster, an economist who challenges conventional pregnancy guidelines, I felt like a relaxed mom-to-be who enjoyed an occasional glass of wine or a piece of prosciutto without guilt. I wanted to carry this laid-back mindset into the postpartum phase, trusting the research that questioned the breastfeeding dogma just as I had embraced Oster’s logical arguments during pregnancy.
Indeed, there’s a wealth of evidence that counters the belief that breastfeeding is the only path to a healthy baby. In her book, The Case Against Breastfeeding, Hannah Rosin scrutinizes the prevailing narratives and shows that while breastfeeding may offer some benefits, it’s hardly the panacea many claim it to be. I found inspiration in the unapologetic voices of women like Jenna Meyer, who reject the stigma around formula feeding. I aspired to be a strong, independent mother who wouldn’t adhere to societal pressures but would pave my own way, serving as a progressive example for my daughter.
I had planned to remain calm if breastfeeding posed challenges (and it did). So why did I suddenly find myself fixated on exclusive breastfeeding? How did I become ensnared by societal norms?
Breastfeeding is undoubtedly challenging. Rather than deterring me, the difficulties I faced only intensified my determination to provide exclusively breast milk. It seems illogical, but perhaps it’s the hormonal influences at play. As Lisa Grace Byrne wisely notes, motherhood is a complex emotional journey intertwined with physical and hormonal changes.
While I can rationally understand that other feeding methods are also perfectly valid, my biology seems to compel me towards breastfeeding. Despite the struggles with latching and the frustration of pumping at work, I feel an undeniable drive to nurse. Could this instinct have been the same force that led me to motherhood? I can’t say for sure, but I can’t ignore it either.
Every time I catch my partner gazing at me with admiration while I nurse, I feel a surge of pride. That bonding moment, when my baby snuggles against my chest, is incredibly special, filled with the oxytocin-driven connection that makes it all worthwhile.
Ultimately, I still believe that every mother should make her own choices about feeding, free from societal judgment. However, I urge expectant mothers to enter this journey without rigid expectations. Parenthood has a way of dismantling preconceived notions. Even if you’re not bound by societal standards, you may find yourself responding to your own biological instincts.
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Summary
The article explores the complexities of maternal instincts and societal pressures surrounding breastfeeding. Initially intending to adopt a relaxed ‘fed is best’ approach, the author experiences a shift towards an obsession with exclusive breastfeeding. Despite the challenges, the emotional and biological urges to nurse prevail, highlighting the personal journey every mother faces while navigating feeding choices.