It’s a situation many of us have seen unfold: a child bullies their peers, the parent steps in with punishment, and the cycle of resentment and unproductive behavior continues. Even if the child modifies their actions eventually, the underlying issues remain unresolved, resulting in a widening gap between parent and child.
The fundamental flaw in addressing bullying through punishment is that the behavior often originates from a lack of empathy, compassion, and a desire to exert control over others. Unfortunately, these behaviors can be learned from parents who, in turn, resort to punitive measures that resemble bullying themselves.
Consider a notorious video featuring a father following his 10-year-old son in a car as the child runs to school in the rain—having been kicked off the school bus for bullying. Instead of offering support, the father punishes him by forcing him to run while recording the incident for social media, all in the name of “discipline.”
This scenario exemplifies a misuse of power, where the father’s actions mirror the very bullying he aims to eliminate. Instead of fostering a dialogue or providing support to his child, he communicates a message of punishment and control, further deepening the child’s resentment and perpetuating a cycle of bullying behavior.
It’s crucial to remember that bullying is often a manifestation of inner turmoil. The father’s lack of empathy in this situation likely reflects a pattern that has existed throughout the child’s life, creating a foundation for negative behaviors, including bullying. It’s a cycle that can be difficult to break but is possible.
Now, am I suggesting that the father should have ignored his son’s behavior? Absolutely not. However, it’s essential to recognize that a pattern of authoritative and dominating parenting is counterproductive and often resembles bullying itself. The way to guide a child away from bullying is through kindness and understanding.
What Would a More Constructive Approach Look Like?
Instead of punishing, the father could have taken the opportunity to connect with his son. A simple conversation could have begun with, “Hey buddy, what’s going on? I want to help you. I love you, and I’m here for you.”
Acknowledging his own shortcomings could also have been a powerful moment: “I realize I may have treated you unfairly in the past. I’m sorry. You deserve respect, just like everyone else. Let’s work on this together.”
This approach could have involved taking the son for ice cream and discussing his feelings, which would strengthen their bond and demonstrate that he is valued. If walking to school was deemed necessary, the father could have accompanied him, using the time as an opportunity for connection and discussion about consequences while emphasizing support rather than shame.
There are countless ways this father could have chosen to nurture his child’s growth rather than resorting to public humiliation, which only fosters resentment and fails to address the core issues. While he may have deterred his son from bullying on the bus, he didn’t address the emotional pain driving that behavior—only reinforcing it.
Remember, hurt people hurt others. It’s through kindness and understanding that we can break the cycle.
For more insights about parenting and emotional health, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination from the CDC, or explore our other blog posts, including tips on boosting male fertility.