By: Lisa Thompson
Recently, my 10-year-old son, Ethan, took it upon himself to learn Beethoven’s “Fur Elise” on the piano. Despite only a few months of formal lessons last year, he continued to explore his passion for music each day, even after our family faced challenges that limited his lessons due to one-parent logistics involving school, soccer, basketball, and his sister’s gymnastics. Yet, he still finds joy in playing.
Academically, he excels, consistently earning straight As. On the soccer field, he’s a solid goalie, and just last weekend, he scored 8 points in a basketball game. He can solve any Rubik’s Cube thrown his way and possesses a wealth of knowledge about the solar system. He also takes the time to express gratitude through hand-written thank you cards and generally behaves well. In my heart, I believe he has the potential to make a meaningful impact on the world.
Now, I’m not sharing this to boast—please bear with me.
Recently, I faced a wave of harsh criticism online, directed not only at me but also at my children. The comments were filled with vitriol and judgment, and as a writer who shares her thoughts publicly, I’ve developed a thick skin. I typically respond to feedback with intelligence and grace, often choosing to ignore negativity and move on. However, when my children become targets of unfounded and cruel assumptions, my patience is tested.
One individual, a woman I’ve never met, referred to my children as “illegitimate kids” in a comment. My four innocent children, still grieving the loss of their father to cancer just two months prior, are viewed as despicable by her. I don’t know this woman’s circumstances—whether she has children, has faced loss, or even owns a pet. It would be unjust to make assumptions about her, so I won’t. However, her disdain for innocent children reflects a disturbing reality that there are people who harbor such negativity.
Another man commented that I should not have had children—or at least not so many—if I “can’t control them.” This stranger, who has never witnessed my son’s jubilant celebrations after scoring a game-winning basket, is quick to suggest that my children should not have been born at all. His comment reveals a deep-seated disdain for children, which is hard to comprehend.
I can anticipate the common advice I’ll receive: “Why do you care what strangers think?” or “Don’t let them get to you.” But here’s the crux of the matter: while I have developed a tough exterior over the years, my children have not. It’s the existence of individuals who display such coldness and lack of empathy that troubles me. The thought that many of these people likely have children of their own, whom they are teaching to be unkind, is deeply unsettling.
These negative individuals are all around us—perhaps as coworkers, store clerks, or even as leaders in our communities. They perpetuate a cycle of cruelty that can lead to a new generation of unkind individuals. This reality is difficult for me to accept.
Growing up, my mother often said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I thought this was a universal truth. In today’s world, where social interactions are just a click away, I often ponder the satisfaction some derive from being hurtful—often at someone else’s expense. Why is it socially acceptable to tear others down under the guise of “expressing an opinion” or “freedom of speech”? Shouldn’t we be instilling in our children values of self-control, respect, and consideration for others? Perhaps my mother’s old adage should be a guiding principle.
As I watch Ethan play the piano, I feel a pang of sadness at the thought of anyone judging him harshly. How could anyone have negative thoughts about a boy whose life experiences revolve around riding bikes, building forts, and walking his dog? How could they fail to see him as I do—a child who believes in the goodness of people and the world?
I know that soon enough, he will encounter unkindness in the world. People will criticize, belittle, and berate him. I dread the thought of my daughters facing similar negativity. But the truth is, I can’t shield them from it—no parent can fully protect their children from the harshness of the world.
However, we can teach our children the value of kindness. We can show them how to refrain from criticizing others and to offer a smile instead of a scowl. We can instill in them the understanding that not every opinion needs to be voiced, especially if it risks hurting someone’s feelings. We can remind them: if you don’t have anything kind to say, it’s better to stay silent.
These lessons will mold them into compassionate, respectful adults. They will learn that their words can either uplift or wound. They will be the ones who choose to spread love rather than hate. Those are the individuals who can truly change the world.
For more insights on parenting and fostering positive values, you can explore additional resources on our blog, including articles about creating a loving family environment and the importance of kindness in children. If you’re interested in topics like family planning, you can also check out the at-home insemination kit from our other blog post here. Furthermore, for those considering pregnancy options, this is an excellent resource for understanding home insemination methods.
In summary, while it’s impossible to shield our children from negativity, we can equip them with the tools to respond with kindness and compassion. By doing so, we empower them to become agents of positive change in a world that desperately needs it.