When my first child, Leo, arrived, he had a peculiar sleeping arrangement: he would only doze off if someone held him upright on the couch. Was this co-sleeping? Not quite, as we weren’t in the actual bed, and my makeshift pillow between the bookshelf and the couch arm hardly provided a restful night. Leo was sleeping, but my partner, Sara, and I certainly weren’t.
We took shifts—Sara would handle the first half of the night, and I would take over the second. After three exhausting months, we finally got him to sleep lying down, which meant our bed became his new sleeping space. He showed zero interest in the crib, so we embraced co-sleeping. Honestly, after months of sleepless nights on the sofa, sharing our bed with a wriggly baby felt like a dream come true.
Interestingly, even after all those struggles, many parents judged Sara for co-sleeping. I, on the other hand, faced no criticism despite being equally involved. I vividly recall a conversation with a fellow church member who commented on my tired appearance. When I mentioned Leo was co-sleeping, he suggested I talk to Sara about it and let our son “cry it out.”
As a new father and husband, I hesitated to push back against this unsolicited advice. Yet, later that day, I found myself questioning why it was solely Sara’s responsibility and why anyone felt entitled to comment on our choices. Honestly, when a parent mentions being tired with a child under three, all they really need is support, not judgment. The reality of sleep for parents is as unpredictable as legislative processes—sleepless nights happen, regardless of whether your little one sleeps in your bed or a crib.
What truly irked me was the implication that it was Sara’s fault. Our partnership is built on collaboration, and there’s no blame to assign if a child isn’t sleeping well. After all, some kids are natural sleepers, while others struggle. Blaming a parent for their child’s insomnia is akin to blaming gravity for a dropped egg.
I understand that some sleep experts will have their opinions, but what parents need is support, not criticism. Mothers especially don’t deserve the added burden of guilt for co-sleeping.
To put things into perspective, I have three kids, and my youngest is almost four. Unless illness strikes, they all sleep through the night. Each child has spent different amounts of time in our bed, and we always made decisions as a family regarding nighttime arrangements. Parenting is a challenging journey, full of ups and downs. I cannot recall a single instance where judgment from another parent improved our situation.
Instead, we should focus on what works for our families rather than worrying about others. Every child is unique, and parents are doing their best to ensure their little ones get the sleep they need. If co-sleeping is the best option for a family, then that choice should be respected.
At the end of the day, we need more compassion and less judgment. Being a parent is one of the toughest yet most fulfilling experiences, and navigating it on insufficient sleep can be a daunting task. Let’s unite as a community, offering trust and love instead of criticism.
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Summary
Co-sleeping should not be a source of shame or criticism for parents. Every family must find what works best for them, and support is crucial in the journey of parenthood. It’s essential to embrace choices without judgment and foster a community of understanding and compassion.