I want to share the touching story of Max and how he found his way into our lives. My son, Alex, has been navigating life without his father, a loss that has cast a long shadow over our household. Not only has he lost his greatest role model, but he now stands as the only boy amid a sea of women. Before his father’s passing, I often referred to them as my “favorite boys.” I would joyfully declare, “There are my favorite boys!” whenever I entered a room where they were engrossed in a video game or a movie that held no interest for me and my daughters. It was my way of expressing love for the man I cherished and the son who would one day grow to be just as remarkable.
The sense of loss for Alex is uniquely profound—not necessarily greater or more painful, but distinct from what his sisters endure. He grapples with an added layer of isolation as a young boy without a father figure. He longs for moments spent building fires, learning about tools, engaging in roughhousing, and shooting hoops—all the quintessential activities boys share with their dads. While I do my best to provide these experiences, it’s just not the same. I can’t embody the “cool dad” persona. My maternal instincts inevitably kick in, leading to worries over safety that overshadow the fun. In many ways, my attempts to fill that void only amplify his longing for his father.
After discussing this concern with Alex’s counselor, it was suggested that I arrange for a trusted male friend or family member to spend time with him doing “guy stuff” once a month. Despite the supportive network we have, everyone has their own commitments, making it difficult to find someone available.
As I pondered potential solutions, the idea struck me that what Alex truly needed was a loyal companion—someone he could confide in and love wholeheartedly. A dog! While we already had a dog named Bella, she was more of a cat in temperament—aloof and largely indifferent to the boys. She didn’t quite meet the criteria of a playful, devoted friend.
So, I began researching therapy and service dogs. I wondered if there were programs tailored for children coping with grief or even those with Attention Deficit Disorder. Although I couldn’t find such programs, I stumbled upon research highlighting the significant benefits well-trained dogs could provide, not just emotionally but also in helping with some of Alex’s ADD challenges. Thus began my quest: which breed to choose, whether to adopt or buy from a breeder, and whether to get a puppy or an older dog. I consulted our veterinarian and compiled a list of questions to guide my search.
Naturally, I worried—about costs, future expenses, the time commitment, and the care required to manage two dogs. The weight of this decision loomed large over me. One day, overwhelmed, I found myself in tears. I yearned for my late husband’s input on this crucial choice. Although I’ve made significant decisions solo in the past, this one felt different. I longed for his guidance, to share the responsibility of parenting, even in his absence.
Two pivotal moments solidified my decision to welcome a dog into our home. The first occurred during a parent-teacher conference when I witnessed a father and son joyfully racing to their car. I caught Alex’s eye, and he said softly, “I really miss Dad.” The second moment came a week later when Alex’s school called to inform me he was inconsolable. Upon picking him up, he finally opened up, recalling how much he missed his father, particularly during a PE class that featured a soccer pro. My heart broke for him.
That day, I decided to prioritize my son over everything else. I held him close, stroked his hair, and reassured him of my love. There are times I grapple with guilt for not having a “real job,” but moments like this remind me that being present for my children during their grief is my most important role.
With this understanding, I resolved to get a male dog for Alex. While I’m an advocate for adopting rescue dogs, I felt it necessary to ensure we knew the history and temperament of this new companion. I reached out to a local breeder associated with a non-profit that trains service dogs for veterans and children with autism. If they trusted this breeder, then so could I.
I involved Alex in every step of the process, wanting him to feel a sense of ownership and responsibility. I explained to my daughters that while we would all love our new dog, this would be Alex’s project. He would choose the name, lead training sessions, and take responsibility for its care (which didn’t upset my daughters at all).
The moment Alex met Max and we began the drive home, tears streamed down his face. “Are you sad?” I asked, concerned. He nestled the puppy against his neck and buried his face in its fur. “These are tears of JOY,” he replied.
Since bringing Max into our family, the positive impact has been profound—not just for Alex but for all of us. We’ve discovered new avenues for love and connection. As the Queen song goes, “Find me somebody to love!” It rings true; when we’re engulfed in loneliness and grief, channeling our love into another living being fills those empty spaces with joy. I’ve witnessed countless joyful moments from Alex since Max’s arrival. Now, he has his loyal companion, his “dude time,” and it’s truly uplifting. I find myself once again proclaiming, “There are my favorite boys!”
This article was originally published on March 9, 2018. For more insights into parenting and family dynamics, check out sources like this excellent resource and these tips on navigating family life.
Summary:
This heartfelt narrative recounts how a grieving family found solace and healing through the companionship of a dog named Max. After losing his father, young Alex struggled with feelings of loneliness and longing for a male figure in his life. His mother, Sarah, recognized the need for a loyal friend and embarked on a journey to find the perfect dog. The arrival of Max brought joy and connection, transforming their family dynamic and providing Alex with the companionship he desperately needed.