In recent discussions, former reality star and entrepreneur, Sara Thompson, shared that she sometimes feels like a single mom when her husband is away for work. This statement, much like others from partnered mothers, elicited eye rolls from those of us who truly navigate the world of single parenting. As a real single mom, with no partner to lean on during the tough times, I find it frustrating that such comparisons continue to be made.
Listen up, moms with partners: You are not single mothers. When your spouse heads out for a weekend trip or is stuck late at the office, it doesn’t give you the right to romanticize the challenges that we face daily. You might be temporarily handling everything alone, but you still have a partner who will return, providing financial and emotional support. You don’t experience the relentless responsibility of being the sole provider for your child’s needs day in and day out.
I’ve been a single mom since my daughter was just a few months old, and I can tell you, there’s a world of difference between the temporary solitude of partnered mothers and the long-term reality faced by those of us who are truly solo. I remember how, in the early days, I would sometimes feel overwhelmed when my partner was working long hours. But that feeling pales in comparison to the reality of single parenthood, where every aspect of life—bills, care, and emotional support—rests squarely on your shoulders.
For partnered moms, the reality is that your time alone has an expiration date. You may face challenges, but you know your partner will be back to share the load. In contrast, single parents don’t have that luxury. When Sara mentioned her feelings of being a single mom, she also acknowledged having a nanny and her mother helping her out. Most single mothers don’t have that kind of support readily available. We’re often left making tough choices about finances, like deciding between new shoes or a winter coat for our child while ensuring there’s food on the table.
You, moms with co-parents, might not be aware of the exhaustion that comes from years of managing everything alone. You don’t know what it’s like to have no one there when you need a helping hand or a moment of rest. Your partner’s return is always a certainty; for single moms, that support is often nonexistent. It’s a unique kind of loneliness that comes with sleepless nights, worrying about whether your child feels the absence of their other parent.
The struggle of being the strong one all the time can be overwhelming. We do our best to hide our tears while trying to handle the emotional storms our children experience. You don’t understand the heartache of wondering if someone will ever love you and your child as you both deserve. While you may occasionally walk in our shoes, you can take them off when your partner comes back, returning to your regular life, while we remain in our reality.
So before you declare your temporary status as a single mom, remember: “Who else is going to do it for me?” The answer is often no one. That is why there’s a profound difference between feeling like a single mom and truly being one. For more insights on parenting and support, check out resources like this article and this excellent guide on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while partnered mothers may sometimes experience moments of solitude, it’s essential to recognize the significant challenges that true single moms face every day. The responsibilities, emotional burdens, and long-term struggles are part of a reality that many simply cannot comprehend.