I vividly recall the moment it hit me. A coworker was on a call with her daughter, engaged in a heated discussion about a playdate or maybe a ballet class—just another routine parenting dilemma. After hanging up, she exclaimed, “My daughter is so incredibly annoying!”
I was taken aback. At the time, I was in my late 20s, and children were merely a distant concept—an abstract idea I envisioned filled with endless joy. The thought of feeling annoyed by a child seemed unfathomable. My coworker’s daughter, a charming nine-year-old, was always eager to color, chat, or read. How could a mother voice such frustration about her own child? I couldn’t fathom how anyone could feel that way.
Fast forward to my mid-30s, and I found myself in the role of a mother. The first year was a whirlwind, as my newborn cried for every conceivable reason—hunger, discomfort, a need for cuddling. I recalled my coworker’s candid remark, and despite the stress and chaos, I found reassurance in my daughter’s cries. She lacked the words to express her needs, and I was determined to meet them. While it was undoubtedly challenging, I never experienced the level of irritation my coworker described. I was relieved to think I wouldn’t fall into that “bad mom” category.
As time passed, my baby transitioned into a toddler. The changes came gradually—whining, tantrums, and extreme reactions to the simplest of things. The outbursts, tears, and resistance to routine transformed daily life into a series of epic battles, including the ongoing saga of getting her to wear socks.
During these tumultuous moments, I often find myself reflecting on how exasperating my daughter can be, and I regret the judgment I once cast on my coworker. I had no idea how the depths of unconditional love could coexist with moments of sheer frustration.
Although I never revealed my feelings to my coworker back then, I now express my gratitude for her honesty. She helped me understand that feeling irritated with my child is perfectly normal. Acknowledging these feelings has made me a more balanced parent, and it’s liberating to recognize that kids can indeed be annoying.
For that, I owe my coworker a debt of thanks for that early awakening, even if it took me a while to truly grasp the lesson.
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In summary, the best parenting wisdom I received wasn’t advice at all, but rather an honest acknowledgment of the frustrations that come with being a parent.