As parents, we all have our limits. It’s pretty safe to say that most of us encounter various challenging “phases” that our children go through. There are the sleepless nights, the endless tears, and the clingy moments — sometimes occurring all at once. Currently, in my household, I’m dealing with a new chapter that I’ve aptly named The Angsty Phase. My eldest tween has morphed into a grumpy, eye-rolling whirlwind from the moment she wakes up.
I wish I could say I handle her sassy comebacks and overt displays of disrespect with serene grace. If an adult friend or colleague responded to me with such attitude, I would be taken aback (unless, of course, they just drank expired milk). Yet, my newly angsty tween transforms into a model citizen once she’s outside our door, reportedly charming her teachers and classmates. While that’s a relief, it doesn’t alleviate the tension at home. Initially, I tried to rationalize her behavior with excuses like:
- Lack of sleep.
- Stress about the new school year.
- Hunger pangs.
However, these justifications fell flat when I acknowledged that she gets to bed on time, enjoys her classes, and isn’t starving.
After one particularly snarky morning, I jokingly threatened to count her facial expressions and condescending remarks, declaring that every tenth one would cost her a dollar. Luckily, she values her money, and that tactic worked for that day. It can be tough to think of effective discipline strategies on the spot that won’t complicate my life or ruin another parent’s plans (like canceling a playdate). But as a mom, I must assert myself.
So, what’s causing my eldest tween to act like she’s from Planet Rude? The answer is simple, yet complex: hormones mixed with a newfound yearning for independence. In these moments, she needs space, which can be challenging for me since I’ve always encouraged her to share her feelings with me. However, it’s time for a fresh approach.
1. Embrace Silence.
This is a tough one for me since I’m naturally chatty. I often find myself probing for answers, but now I’m learning to zip my lips. I’ve started turning away and focusing on other tasks. Recently, I put on headphones and blasted music while doing the dishes to avoid any back-and-forth. If there’s no talking, there’s less chance for shouting, allowing space for reflection and calmness for both of us.
2. Create Distance.
When negative energy fills the room, it’s crucial to take a step back. I usually suggest she retreats to her room, goes for a walk, or finds a quiet spot in the garden. If she resists moving, I simply leave the area. Just ten minutes apart can significantly ease the tension for both of us.
3. Practice Patience.
Beneath their moody exteriors, our kiddos are still the lovable beings we know. If we grant them the space they need and refrain from pushing on sensitive topics, they will come around in their own time. Often, once the storm has passed, you can see the regret in their eyes.
4. Choose the Right Moment to Talk.
After a cooling-off period, once the school day is done and everyone is in a better mindset, it’s time to have a conversation. Start with casual, safe inquiries to gauge their mood. Once you’ve established a good atmosphere, calmly discuss what transpired. I’ve found that expressing my disappointment regarding their behavior often leads to an apology and a positive resolution for the rest of the day. For more tips on navigating these challenging times, you might find this post on Modern Family Blog particularly helpful.
Implementing these strategies has made a significant difference in my home life. The last time my daughter lashed out, we maintained our composure and offered her no reaction. As she left for school, I noticed a glimmer of her four-year-old self wanting to rush back for a hug, but instead, she simply waved goodbye with those big brown eyes. It’s just a phase, I reminded myself yet again, and indeed, that’s the truth.
Summary:
Navigating the angsty tween years can be challenging for parents. By embracing silence, creating distance, practicing patience, and choosing the right moments to communicate, you can effectively manage this difficult phase. Remember, it’s just a phase, and with the right approach, things can improve at home.