Friendship is about acceptance. When you’re my friend, I embrace you — your quirks, your chaos, your struggles, and everything that comes with you. I accept your partner, your children, and while our kids may not be best friends, I genuinely wish for their happiness and success. I’m here to listen as you share the ups and downs of motherhood. However, my protective instincts surge when it comes to my child.
If our children are on the same team, I will celebrate your child’s achievements with genuine joy. If my child is having an off day, that’s not about you or your child; it’s about their individual experience. My sadness for my child never overshadows my happiness for yours.
I recall a time when my husband and I were struggling to start a family. After undergoing numerous tests, we received the frustrating label of “undiagnosed infertility.” This led us to explore options like insemination and Clomid. The emotional rollercoaster of hope and disappointment was exhausting. Then the unexpected happened—my friend, who had just gotten married and wasn’t even trying for kids yet, announced her pregnancy.
I faced a choice: make it about my feelings or prioritize her joy. I chose the latter, celebrating her exciting news while inwardly shedding tears of my own. I held it together for her sake, knowing this moment was about her journey. My husband comforted me, assuring me our turn would come, which it did about six months later.
As our children grew, I began to notice another friend, Lisa, who often highlighted her kids’ achievements in comparison to mine. Initially, I thought it was just a form of bonding, but over time, it became clear that she was less about celebrating our kids and more about outdoing them.
For instance, when our boys play baseball together, I cheer for both, regardless of the score. If my child succeeds but hers doesn’t, I stay silent, hoping for better luck next time for her son. Yet, Lisa often pointed out excuses for her son’s failures while relishing in my child’s shortcomings. It felt disheartening.
It’s perplexing. If my child faces a challenge, it seems to become fodder for others’ discussions. “Sally just accomplished a triple flip in gymnastics, too bad Annie is out with a broken arm.” Is it genuine concern, or just boasting? Real friends want the best for each other’s kids, understanding that we all navigate our own paths.
My child isn’t in competition with yours; you are.
If you’re interested in exploring more about the journey of conception, check out this helpful resource. Additionally, for anyone wanting to understand more about fertility options, this article provides great insights. For a comprehensive overview of in vitro fertilization, this Wikipedia page is an excellent resource.
In summary, my singular deal-breaker in friendship is the inability to celebrate one another’s successes without comparisons. Let’s focus on supporting each other in this journey of parenthood, free of competition.