Navigating social media can be a double-edged sword for many of us. While I appreciate the sense of community it provides—allowing us to connect over shared concerns and victories—it also serves as a constant reminder of my son’s loneliness, both online and in the real world. Often, I find myself scrolling through Facebook while on the elliptical, which is ironically boring enough to make me confront such thoughts.
I understand that my son sometimes chooses solitude because it feels easier. But I also believe that his isolation stems from others, particularly teenagers, not knowing how to engage with someone who is “different.” Rather than risk making a mistake, they often choose inaction.
My son is well-liked by many of his classmates; they’re genuinely kind and caring. However, when it comes to initiating conversations beyond a simple “Hey Jake,” things can get tricky. While I don’t blame them, I see an opportunity to educate and help them understand that trying is far better than doing nothing at all.
So, for those teenagers eager to befriend my son or another young person with autism, here are 14 vital words to remember to help you get it right:
- Ask. Don’t hesitate to ask him if he wants to hang out, go to a movie, or what his favorite foods are. Your inquiries open the door for connection.
- Accept. Embrace him for who he is, quirks and all. Some things he says may not make sense to you, but they resonate with him. Acceptance is key.
- Consider. Include him in plans. Whether it’s grabbing pizza after school or heading to a game, your consideration means a lot—even if he opts out.
- Educate. Take the time to learn about autism and, more importantly, about him. Understand his preferences, routines, and interests—like why he might prefer certain clothing brands.
- Forgive. He might speak bluntly or innocently hurt your feelings; it’s not a personal jab. His honesty is a part of who he is—appreciate that quality.
- Ask (again). Persistence pays off. Even if he has declined your offers before, keep inviting him—he may surprise you one day.
- Space. If he agrees to join you, he might need some downtime afterward. Respect his need for space; he’ll reach out when he’s ready.
- Time. Building a connection takes time. Trust doesn’t form overnight, but it will be worth the wait.
- Remind. He may require gentle nudges about plans or events. If he forgets, know it’s not a reflection of your friendship; he simply needs a little extra help remembering.
- Scripting. He enjoys quoting memes and movie lines. This unique way of communicating can be fun and engaging if you’re willing to ask him about it.
- Literal. He tends to take language at face value—slang and sarcasm may not resonate with him. Use straightforward language to ensure understanding.
- Individual. Remember, he’s not defined by his autism; he’s Jake, a unique individual with his own interests and personality.
- Respect. Even if you don’t fully grasp his perspective, respect his individuality. He likely struggles to understand yours as well, but he will always treat you with respect.
- Kindness. Ultimately, kindness is essential. Just by making an effort to be his friend, you are already doing something right.
One last note: simply trying to be his friend, even if you stumble along the way, will never be a mistake.
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Summary
Building a friendship with someone on the autism spectrum requires understanding, patience, and a genuine effort to connect. By asking questions, accepting individuality, and being kind, you can significantly impact their life.