I thrive in social settings and genuinely enjoy spending time with friends. I’m energized by meeting new people and immersing myself in lively crowds. However, my reality has changed significantly due to chronic pain. It’s not about being overwhelmed or exhausted—it’s about managing my condition.
I suffer from recurrent migraine attacks, and my daily choices largely revolve around preventing the next severe episode. This often leads to me missing out on activities I would love to participate in. I’ve learned to conserve my energy for the most essential moments, leading to situations where I decline invitations. When I say I can’t join a night out, it’s not necessarily due to illness; I’m often at home, simply trying to avoid becoming ill.
My migraines are particularly debilitating, manifesting as occipital migraines. The tension in my neck, often exacerbated by stress or poor posture, creates a painful knot at the base of my skull, trapping my occipital nerves. This pressure can trigger agonizing migraine episodes, rendering me highly sensitive to light and sound, often leaving me in tears until my medication takes effect. Sometimes, the pain lingers for hours, and there are instances when my medication fails to provide relief, necessitating a trip to the hospital. Typically, these hospital visits occur after days of relentless pain, when I can no longer endure the discomfort.
To mitigate my triggers, I’ve adopted various strategies over the years. For instance, hiring a housekeeper every two weeks has alleviated the stress of household chores and the physical strain that comes with them. This support helps me recover from migraine attacks without the added anxiety of returning to a messy home.
When I receive invitations from friends to join gatherings, I take a close look at my schedule. If I notice that my downtime is limited or if I have prior commitments like my son’s IEP meeting, I must politely decline. Although I genuinely want to go—because I enjoy my friends and social interactions—I understand that overextending myself can lead to an impending migraine.
I often find myself reminding myself that prioritizing my health is crucial, especially when I encounter other parents who try to involve me in school activities with tempting offers like childcare and pizza. While I appreciate these invitations and yearn to connect with other parents, I must sometimes choose to step back and focus on my well-being, even if it means spending more time on the couch with my husband watching our favorite show.
It’s disheartening to think about how I may appear to others when I struggle to pick up my son, donning oversized sunglasses on a cloudy day and wrapped in a large sweater. My energy is so depleted that I can barely keep my eyes open, and I often contemplate wearing a hat that boldly announces “Migraine in Progress” to ward off unnecessary questions and judgment.
The challenge with chronic illness is that, outwardly, we often seem fine—perhaps a bit tired or distracted—but underneath, we are battling significant pain. The constant scrutiny and stress associated with managing a chronic condition can exacerbate symptoms, leading to further withdrawal from social situations and interactions.
So please understand, I would love to accept your invitation for a mom’s night out or help with the book fair, but today, it’s just not possible.
For more insights on navigating parenting and chronic pain, check out this resource from Modern Family Blog or listen to the informative podcast on IVF and fertility preservation for additional support. And if you’re considering options for growing your family, explore our guide on at-home insemination kits available at Make A Mom.