As I approached the final weeks of my pregnancy with my first child, my greatest fear nearly unfolded before my eyes. On a quiet December evening, my partner, Jake, stepped out to pick up some essentials from the grocery store. Out of nowhere, a drunk driver came barreling toward our compact car, swerving at the last second to hit a hedge instead. But then, in a shocking twist, the driver began reversing — right towards Jake, who managed to hit the gas in reverse just in time. Thankfully, the driver was apprehended shortly after. Jake was shaken, and upon hearing what had transpired, I collapsed onto the floor, tears streaming down my face.
This experience tapped into the deep-seated fear that lies within many of us grappling with anxiety. I have a profound fear of vehicles, and I know I’m not alone. Sure, we drive and allow our family and friends to do the same. However, there’s that moment of gut-wrenching terror we swallow down, mumbled along with a strained “be careful” and one more “I love you.” It’s a bittersweet farewell, filled with the dread that it might be the last time we see them. We watch them walk out the door, clinging to that final glimpse.
When they’re late returning home, panic begins to set in. We start making calls, and when they go unanswered, the terror creeps in, twisting through our minds and bodies. We envision them lying lifeless on the side of the road, conjuring up specific, horrifying images: the flashing red and blue lights of police vehicles, the crumpled figure against the airbag, and if my partner has our child with him, I see tiny shoes left behind in the grass of some forgotten median.
When our loved ones finally walk through the door, exhausted from traffic or work delays, we might feel relief that quickly turns into tears or even unexplainable anger. Because cars are truly unnerving.
Our hearts understand what our minds already know: the risk of dying in a car accident is significantly higher than in an airplane crash, a terrorist attack, or even an assault. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, there were 32,675 fatalities in car accidents in the United States in 2014, with nearly a third involving alcohol. Over 2.34 million individuals sustained injuries in collisions. Additionally, the CDC reported that 2.5 million people visited emergency rooms due to crash-related injuries, leading to 200,000 hospitalizations. Those of us with anxiety are all too aware of these statistics, and they terrify us. They replay in our minds every time we bid farewell to our loved ones or buckle our children into their car seats.
We are the ones who meticulously check our mirrors before changing lanes and refuse to change the song on Spotify until we’re stopped at a red light. High speeds make us uneasy, especially in areas where the 70 mph speed limit is merely a suggestion. We avoid distractions while driving, whether it’s refraining from rummaging through our bags or passing items back to our children. We may even take our car seat choices to an obsessive level (just ask me about my rear-facing four-year-old!).
These actions are within our control. We can ensure that our kids’ seat belts are secure, avoid texting while driving, and check multiple times before entering a roundabout. These small acts become our talismans against the uncontrollable chaos of the world around us.
Just yesterday, a friend’s vehicle was struck by a drunk driver early in the morning. A car almost merged into mine on the interstate. Another vehicle nearly collided with Jake on his way home from work. These events remind us that we cannot prevent these occurrences unless we could somehow shield our loved ones from ever getting into a car. Ultimately, it’s this lack of control that leaves us paralyzed with fear — the notion that we, or those we hold dear, could lose their lives in an instant with nothing we can do to stop it.
So, how do we manage this anxiety?
First, we must recognize that it isn’t the fear of cars that haunts us; it’s the fear of losing control. It’s the anxiety that arises from knowing we cannot predict or plan every aspect of our lives. This fear of unexpected loss is what we need to address, rather than fixating on the shiny metal objects speeding down the highway. To cope, we should work on letting go of the need to control our surroundings, potentially with guidance from a skilled therapist.
Dr. Amy Johnson suggests practicing surrender — acknowledging that the universe is generally a friendly place and that releasing fear can bring a sense of freedom. Other strategies include visualizing positive outcomes, documenting what being present means to you, grounding yourself to combat future-oriented fears, engaging in walks or connecting with friends to bring you back to the moment, using affirmations, seeking support, and understanding that you are not alone in this struggle.
You are not alone. It’s crucial to remember that when it comes to channeling anxiety into fears surrounding vehicles, many share your experience. We can all begin from this understanding. For more insights on navigating pregnancy and insemination, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy or explore the home insemination kits we offer to help you on your journey. Additionally, if you’re looking for more tips on managing anxiety, this article provides further guidance.
In summary, anxiety about driving often stems from a deeper fear of losing control, not just about cars. Recognizing this can help us develop healthier coping mechanisms and support systems.