Hey there, old friend!
It’s wonderful to hear from you. Can you believe it’s been a decade or more since we last connected? It feels like just yesterday we were getting ready for a night out, sharing a bathroom mirror, and perfecting that smoky eyeliner look for the club.
Do you remember that time we tried to squeeze into the same stall in the women’s restroom and ended up stuck? Crawling out from under the door while your ex’s new girlfriend watched was quite the adventure! Honestly, those were some fantastic times, weren’t they?
So, how’s life treating you? Is everything good? Kids grow up so fast, don’t they? We finally got ours out of those pricey diapers this year, which means we might actually start tackling those student loans—right? Haha!
Oh, wait! You found a new path to financial freedom? You’re eager to share about this transformative company and its products?
Hold on a second—I need to pause you there.
Here’s the deal: I truly appreciate your reaching out, and I’m thrilled you’ve discovered something that excites you. But I have to be honest—there’s no way you’ll convince me to join your MLM “journey.”
I’m not interested in leggings that claim to make my thighs feel like they’re wrapped in butter, nor do I care if your energy shakes can help me finish the NYC Marathon in record time. And as much as I enjoy surprises, I’m not keen on cracking open an oyster live on Facebook. So, I think that pretty much sums it up, right?
But please don’t go just yet! It’s been far too long since we last spoke, and I’m not upset with you for reaching out. I genuinely wish you well on your new venture. I may have come off a bit harsh regarding the MLM, but I assure you…it’s not you.
It’s entirely me.
I simply cannot support the business model of the company you’re involved with. To be blunt, it sounds like they’ve pulled another person I care about into their scheme, and that really frustrates me. It’s not that I don’t want to support you—I would gladly pay you to turn and run away right now if I could!
But I suspect you’re already pretty invested, aren’t you?
That’s the crux of it. I’m aware enough of MLMs to know that you bought into this whole thing—whether it was the oysters, shakes, or leggings—believing it was your golden opportunity. Was it a party that lured you in? A conference? A long-lost friend reaching out? I can imagine they fed you all the buzzwords about finding your “why” and becoming a “mompreneur.” You got swept up in the excitement, and now, you’re on the path to becoming a #BossBabe.
It all sounded too good to be true, didn’t it?
Well, here’s the awkward truth: it sounded that way because it was too good to be true.
No matter which company you’ve partnered with, if you’re messaging me on social media to sell something, it’s likely an MLM. And the statistics are not in your favor. According to the FTC, a staggering 99% of people who join an MLM end up losing money. That’s a hard fact.
I know you’re a remarkable person (we’re friends for a reason), but those numbers are discouraging, to say the least. Even if you believe you’re the one in a hundred who will actually profit (even just a dollar), do you really want to rope in 100 of your friends with those odds?
Oh, you do?
Well, I think it’s time for us to take a little break. We’ve shared some amazing memories, and if the odds don’t favor you (which, statistically speaking, they probably won’t), I hope you’ll reach out again soon.
Because honestly, your kids are adorable, and you’re a fantastic human being. I’d love to keep in touch, just as long as it doesn’t involve me trying a three-pack of skinny wraps for the low price of $15.99.
This article was originally published on February 11, 2018.
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In summary, while I appreciate your enthusiasm for your MLM products, I am unable to support that model. Let’s focus on our friendship and the wonderful moments we’ve shared instead.