As a Black woman navigating life, I find that many of my closest friends are white. This has been my reality for as long as I can remember. In my younger years, I often overlooked our racial differences and how they impacted our daily interactions. However, recent years have brought the issue of race back into sharp focus, making me increasingly aware of my relationships with my white friends. It’s not that I suspect them of harboring latent racism; rather, it’s their self-proclaimed “wokeness” that raises my eyebrows.
There seems to be a competitive spirit among white people, especially white women, to prove their anti-racist credentials. It’s become a race to see who can be the most “woke.” But let’s get this straight: it’s not a competition. Trying too hard to demonstrate your allyship often exemplifies the pitfalls of white feminism. So, can we just take a breath? Or better yet, genuinely be “woke”?
How many times have I heard one of my white female friends ask, “You’ll call me out if I mess up, right?” I laugh and respond, “Sure, if I notice.” Yet, more often than not, I don’t. The reality is, it’s not my responsibility to point out your mistakes. If you’re as “woke” as you claim on social media, you should be able to recognize your own missteps. But since I know that’s not how people work, let’s have a candid conversation. Grab a pen and take notes because I’m only going to say this once.
If You’re Going to Be an Ally, Be Fully Committed
You can’t selectively choose what issues to care about. Just the other day, I heard many of my white feminist friends lamenting about Justin Timberlake’s Super Bowl performance. “Unless he publicly apologizes to Janet Jackson, I’m not interested. He’s cancelled.” Let’s pause for a moment. “Nipplegate” happened over a decade ago. Justin Timberlake wasn’t the sole headliner then, and Janet Jackson is a capable adult who doesn’t need you to defend her. It’s time to move on from that incident. Just because you read an article critiquing him doesn’t give you the right to stand on a pedestal of white feminism, acting as if you’ve always been there for Janet. Let’s be real; most of you can’t name anything beyond “Rhythm Nation.”
And let’s not forget how selective you are when it comes to supporting Black women. You can’t be outraged over the Halftime Show yet proudly march with your pink hats at the Women’s March, which often ignores the voices of Black women. These marches began because white women realized their rights were under threat. But Black women have always faced systemic oppression. Often, we are excluded from decision-making and only a few prominent figures get to amplify their voices.
You showed appreciation for Black women voting for Doug Jones, yet that support doesn’t extend to Black women running for office or those who are already in leadership. Sure, you cheer for Michelle Obama and Oprah for President, but what about the real politicians like Kamala Harris who are already doing the work? If you want a Black woman in office, support the ones who are actively making change.
Expand Your Knowledge of Black History
I appreciate that you’re teaching your children about historical Black women, but please, expand that education beyond Rosa Parks and Harriet Tubman. Teach them about Phyllis Wheatley, Sojourner Truth, or Lorraine Hansberry, a playwright and LGBT rights advocate. Talk about Nina Simone or Mae Jemison, the first Black woman in space. There’s an entire world of influential Black women to explore.
And let’s give Martin Luther King Jr. a break. He’s had enough of being used by white women to validate their narratives of peaceful protest. If I see another social media post quoting him to prove a point, I might just scream. Stop trying to make him fit your agenda. He was considered a threat by the American government during his life, and most white people only admired him posthumously. Instead of just reading the “I Have a Dream” speech, dig deeper into his work and the voices of his contemporaries.
Engage with Black Culture Authentically
The next time you want to rally behind Beyoncé’s “get in formation,” take the time to learn about the Black Panthers and their sacrifices. Understand the history of those who fought for justice and whose lives were cut short. If you can mourn Michael Brown, familiarize yourself with Emmett Till and the countless others who suffered injustice. Knowing the name of the woman who sat down on the bus before Rosa Parks would show you’re actually engaged.
You can’t just support the parts of Black culture that are trendy. You can’t say #MeToo and only uplift the stories of white women while disregarding the Black woman who started the movement. When you recommend charities, make sure they include initiatives focused on uplifting Black communities. I see you when you share posts that only highlight Black friends’ achievements while ignoring their racial identity.
If you’re only “woke” when it’s convenient, it’s time to reevaluate your commitment. This isn’t just a trend; it’s about genuine allyship. So, to my “woke” white friends, let’s get it together.
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In summary, being an ally requires more than just performative gestures. It demands a genuine commitment to understanding and uplifting Black voices, recognizing the history and contributions of Black women, and participating in the ongoing struggle for equality. It’s time for true engagement and support.