Feb. 5, 2018
It’s a perplexing reality: society seems confused about what it truly expects from mothers. No matter where we turn, there’s always someone eager to share their opinions on how we should raise our children. And the moment we adapt our approach, another critic appears with a completely different perspective. It’s utterly baffling! Everyone has their own viewpoint, and they’re all convinced they’re correct.
I stumbled upon this realization just a month into my journey of motherhood while grappling with a severe case of postpartum depression. Sleep had become a distant memory, and my attempts at breastfeeding were failing miserably. To say I was struggling would be an understatement.
During a visit to my OBGYN, the nurse inquired about how I was managing. Given the expression of despair on my face, I assumed her question was rhetorical. “Things are… not good,” I admitted. “I can’t breastfeed anymore, I’m pumping around the clock, and I feel like I’m on the brink of losing it.”
Her expression softened. “Oh, sweetie,” she replied. “Your mental health is important too. Maybe it’s time to consider formula feeding.” Wait, really? That’s an option? You mean I could stop pumping forever without being judged? The thought brought tears of relief. Decision made.
However, just as I was heading out, the lactation consultant strolled in to say hello. We had bonded during my post-delivery visits, so I shared my newfound relief about my decision to prioritize my mental well-being over breastfeeding. I felt empowered. But then I noticed her expression shift, as if I had just announced I was giving up on my child.
“Are you sure you want to stop now?” she inquired. “You know that breast is best. No one said this would be easy.” Oof.
For those curious, I didn’t lash out at her (though I was tempted). Instead, I did what many new mothers do: I second-guessed myself, felt immense guilt, and had a good cry with some close friends. Fortunately, those friends were incredibly supportive and reminded me that there is literally no way to appease everyone regarding parenting.
By the end of our conversation, we were in stitches, swapping tales of the most contradictory parenting critiques we’d encountered. It was both hilarious and absurd—how could anyone ever satisfy these critics?
They’re everywhere!
- “Women shouldn’t expose their breasts in public. It’s inappropriate—find a bathroom!”
- “Is that mom using a bottle? Ugh, mothers these days don’t even try to breastfeed.”
- “Should she really wear that low-cut shirt now that she’s a mom?”
- “Those women in yoga pants and sweatshirts really need to make an effort. Parenting isn’t an excuse to look frumpy.”
- “Whoa, too sexy! Cover up, Amber.”
- “Don’t neglect your relationship! Make sure you go on dates with your partner.”
- “Wait, you’re leaving your baby at home for dinner? Why have kids if you don’t want to spend time with them?”
- “Oh, you’re actually spending time with your child? Then why are you hovering so much?”
- “Is that ten-year-old walking alone? Someone call child protective services!”
And the cycle continues. From social media articles to intrusive relatives and even strangers in the baby aisle at the grocery store, parental advice is abundant—and contradictory.
Yet from this barrage of mixed messages, there’s a valuable takeaway. Moms, if we can recognize that it’s impossible to please everyone, perhaps we can finally give ourselves permission to embrace our own choices. After all, who is responsible for navigating this journey? Who cares for those little ones growing up in your home? That’s right: you do.
Here’s the empowering truth: no one knows your children better than you. So, if you take one piece of advice from a stranger, let it be this: stop stressing over trying to meet the expectations of others. Spoiler alert: they can’t be pleased.
Forget the mixed messages and the judgmental critics; tune out the noise and trust your instincts. Embrace your unique parenting style. You might just discover that it’s incredibly freeing.
For more insights on this topic, check out Modern Family Blog, an authority on parenting and family dynamics. And if you’re exploring options for family planning, consider visiting Cleveland Clinic’s excellent resource for information on pregnancy and home insemination. You might also find it helpful to check out the Cryobaby Home Insemination Kit to assist in your journey.
In summary, motherhood is filled with challenges, and the pressure to meet societal expectations can feel overwhelming. However, by trusting ourselves and prioritizing our mental health and happiness, we can navigate this journey with confidence. Let go of the need for approval and embrace your unique path as a mother.