As a mother of four boys, my youngest is now 10 and a half years old. Yet, in my mind, he feels like he should be handling life on his own by now. That’s the narrative I tell myself: my tired, exasperated self who has navigated the ups and downs of motherhood for over a decade. I convince myself that he doesn’t truly need me—emotionally or physically—because he has three older brothers providing him with the support he requires.
For the past five years, I’ve essentially put my youngest on autopilot since he began kindergarten. With the last of my children finally in school, I found a sense of freedom and a chance to reclaim my identity beyond just ‘mom.’ The problem? I never truly re-engaged in my role as a parent. As I relished my newfound time, I assumed he needed me less and less, and I was thrilled about that. However, while he appeared to be thriving and developing at a quicker pace than his brothers—a common trait of the youngest—I failed to recognize that his apparent self-sufficiency didn’t mean he was completely independent.
I had comfortably stepped back, rationalizing that it was normal for him to require less of my attention. Thank goodness, I thought; my reserves of maternal energy had been running on fumes for far too long. Surely, he would be just fine! I reassured myself that there was no need for me to hover or over-parent because he was capable.
Then came the wake-up call. It hit me hard one day when I noticed my son seemed a bit lost; it became glaringly obvious that my absence in his life had left him directionless. His confusion stemmed not from any fault of his own but rather from my neglect as a parent. My selfish disengagement had inadvertently placed the burden of self-parenting on a ten-year-old—something no child should have to do.
Raising a large family is often a comedy of errors, spiraling into chaos, yet behind the laughter lies a mother who is thoroughly exhausted, grappling with the repetitive nature of parenting. This fatigue can lead to a gradual loosening of our grip on our youngest children, especially when we see them seemingly thriving. We remember that many of our early worries with our firstborn never materialized, which makes it easier to let go. But then we wake up one day and realize we hardly know our youngest at all.
My youngest son deserves the same level of engagement and nurturing that I provided to my first child, and as daunting as that may seem, I understand that I must rise to the occasion. I owe him my best—not just the bare minimum. Will I be the same mom I was with my firstborn? Certainly not, but I can combine my years of experience with an appreciation for his individuality, seeing him as a unique person rather than just another child to mold.
Everyone talks about the struggles of being a new mother, but few acknowledge the challenge of engaging meaningfully with children as they grow. It’s crucial to start strong in motherhood, yet equally important to finish with the same vigor. I am determined to be present for my youngest—no matter how tired or jaded I may be.
Though I may be crawling toward the finish line of parenting, I know that the reward of motherhood will be worth every effort.
For those interested in expanding their family, consider exploring options like the at-home insemination kit available on Make A Mom. Additionally, resources on pregnancy and insemination can be found at Healthline, and for authoritative advice on parenting, visit Modern Family Blog.
In summary, while the journey of motherhood can be exhausting, it’s vital to reconnect with our younger children and provide them the attention they deserve, ensuring they grow up feeling supported and loved.