By: Ava Thompson
Date: January 26, 2023
I often find myself astonished at how frequently I hear this question each week: “Hey Ava! What a lovely child! Are you home with them full-time? What ELSE are you doing?” At what point did being a stay-at-home parent to one child become insufficient?
If I’m being honest, I’ve been one of those critical individuals who assumed that stay-at-home parents with a single child were simply not doing enough. I mean, how much effort can it take to care for a baby? Two kids? Now that’s a real challenge, right?
Oh boy, was I wrong. The first few months are incredibly difficult, especially if you’re breastfeeding. People warned me about the exhaustion and lack of sleep, but nothing could prepare me for the reality that REM sleep would become a distant memory.
In our state, many parents return to work after just three months. Nevada ranks as one of the worst places to raise children, sitting at 47th out of 50! According to various reports, the average pay here tends to be lower, forcing both parents to work to make ends meet. Consequently, those who manage to stay home often face resentment from other parents who wish they could do the same but can’t. Society seems to look down on them for not juggling both home and work responsibilities.
This marks a significant shift from the values of my upbringing, where the emphasis was on women opting to stay home. Now, there’s an expectation that women should excel in both domestic and professional realms, all while shuttling kids to extracurricular activities. It’s no surprise that movies like Bad Moms resonate with so many of us—we simply cannot do everything, and attempting to do so often leads to mediocrity.
Enter the Overachiever, a.k.a. Me. Pregnancy left me feeling confined, and those limitations didn’t disappear with childbirth. While I feel more capable now, my days are divided into frantic 20-minute and hour-long intervals.
The challenge of being a stay-at-home parent lies in embracing this reality. It involves learning to be selfless—sacrificing your time, energy, and sleep for the sake of a tiny human. It also means learning to let go of the frustration that comes from others asking, “Why aren’t you doing more?”
Part of this issue stems from my own overachieving mindset. Every day, I grapple with the desire to tick off a list of 15 tasks while realizing that, in reality, I might only manage to accomplish one.
This journey has made me acutely aware of my past judgments of other women. It serves as a reminder to allow others the freedom to make their own choices about how they spend their time. Rather than questioning those choices, I should encourage them to stay true to themselves.
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In summary, the societal pressures on stay-at-home parents and the misconceptions about their roles can be overwhelming. It’s essential to embrace the journey, support one another, and recognize the value in every choice we make regarding parenting.