A few days ago, while browsing through old photos to pin on my corkboard in my home office, I stumbled upon snapshots of my husband and me from years past. We were seen feeding ducks in the park, enjoying the county fair, and indulging in a horror movie festival downtown. Each picture radiated joy as we embraced each other or strolled down the street hand in hand. As I reminisced, I couldn’t help but think, “I’m not that girl anymore.”
The truth is, both my husband and I have transformed significantly since we tied the knot. If our friends from six years ago were to meet us today, they’d hardly recognize us — and that’s something to celebrate. Marriage is meant to foster growth, pushing each partner to become the best version of themselves. The notion that you shouldn’t try to change your spouse is misleading. In fact, you should aspire to inspire change in them, guiding them toward becoming a stronger, healthier, and more confident individual.
Think of it like a sports team: teammates don’t change each other outright, but they motivate, train, and practice together to enhance their skills. That’s the essence of marriage.
My husband never pressured me to change, nor did I push him to alter who he was. Instead, our evolution unfolded naturally over the years. When we first met, I was still navigating life in my mid-to-late 20s, feeling lost and uncertain about my future. I was caught in a relationship that didn’t serve me, struggling in a career that lacked passion, and hadn’t yet completed my college education despite years of enrollment. I felt like a lost duckling, endlessly swimming in circles without direction.
During my moments of self-doubt, when I felt unattractive and lost, he was always there to remind me of my worth. When I faced setbacks in my education, he reassured me of my capabilities. He encouraged me to pursue new career opportunities, constantly affirming my strengths until I finally started to believe in myself.
Now, as I wake up each morning to prepare for a career I once thought was out of reach, I often look in the mirror and ask, “Who are you? Where did you come from?” I might still look similar (with just a few inches of hair difference and about ten extra pounds), but the truth is, I’m not that same girl anymore. The man I married has profoundly impacted my life. He cherished a confused young woman with low self-esteem and, through his unwavering support, helped her evolve into a confident individual ready to tackle the world. He accomplished this not by imposing change or highlighting my flaws but by simply saying, “I love you, and I believe in you.”
That simple affirmation made all the difference.
Our growth has been a joint effort as well as an individual journey. I completed my degree, sent out resumes, aced interviews, and launched a blog. Together, we made significant life decisions, such as relocating to a new city, establishing a budget, and pursuing adoption. Simultaneously, my husband has taken charge of his own life, setting boundaries with those who don’t uplift him, starting his own business, and becoming more resolute in his beliefs.
While we may not be the same people we once were, we have both emerged as better versions of ourselves.
Don’t heed the advice that warns against changing your spouse. You should not force alterations upon them, but you should certainly encourage their growth. Support their dreams and aspirations, nurturing an environment where they can thrive. Through your relationship, they should cultivate self-love, confidence, and the ability to take charge of their life — together, as a united front.
So, I’m no longer that woman, and he’s not that man. We’ve evolved, matured, and grown, and we are both better for it. If you want to explore more about personal growth and family planning, check out this insightful resource on intrauterine insemination for pregnancy here. You can also find tips on home insemination with this baby maker kit for further engagement. For more in-depth discussions about personal growth, visit this article that delves into similar themes.