Growing up, my parents had a steadfast rule regarding marital disagreements: Never go to bed angry. No matter how heated their arguments became, they always found a way to reconcile before turning in for the night. This principle was enforced in my childhood home, where my siblings and I were also expected to resolve conflicts before bedtime, regardless of how irritated we felt.
Looking back, I must admit there were instances when I feigned reconciliation with my brothers just to comply with the “anger-free” bedtime rule. Now, as a wife myself, I unfortunately find that I have strayed from my parents’ well-intentioned advice. After 18 years of marriage, two children, and a mortgage, I can confidently say that my husband and I have experienced our fair share of intense discussions. There have been moments where one of us may have said something hurtful or acted in a way that prompted the other to storm out in frustration. And yes, while it’s not ideal, we’ve occasionally resorted to the infamous silent treatment when emotions have run high.
There have been nights where we went to bed still angry, without so much as a kiss or a sideways glance. Yet, despite these moments, we’re still very much in love. While the idea of kissing and making up before sleep sounds nice, the reality of life—especially with kids—often makes it impractical. Between homework help, dinner prep, and laundry, it’s not always possible to resolve our differences in the heat of the moment.
Here are some reasons why it’s sometimes best to sleep on it instead of trying to resolve everything immediately:
- Protecting Your Words: In heated moments, it’s easy to say things you don’t truly mean. Angry exchanges can lead to hurtful comments that linger long after they’ve been said. While silence can seem counterproductive, it can also be a way to avoid saying something damaging that you might regret later.
- Time for Reflection: During conflicts, emotions can cloud our judgment. Taking a step back allows for introspection and a clearer understanding of your feelings. With the hustle and bustle of parenting, finding that time can be a challenge, but it’s important to give yourself space to process your emotions, perhaps during a run or a quiet drive.
- Children Complicate Matters: Kids are incredibly perceptive, and they don’t care if you’re in the middle of a disagreement. It’s often better to hold your tongue until the chaos dies down, especially if you’re feeling particularly angry. While it’s healthy for children to see conflict resolution, the heat of the moment is rarely the best time for it.
- Sometimes, Silence is Golden: There will be instances when the hurt runs so deep that words escape you. It’s okay to experience those awkward silences; sometimes, it’s necessary to protect your heart. More often than not, a good night’s sleep can help you sort through your thoughts, making you more prepared to discuss the issue in a constructive way later.
My husband and I have navigated numerous disagreements over the years, and we don’t view those moments as failures in our marriage. What truly matters is our commitment to healing after conflicts and fostering open communication.
So, the time I lost my temper at the bus stop, clad in a bathrobe and fuzzy slippers because the kids missed the bus again? I felt justified in not giving my husband a kiss that night. I think he felt the same way. Yet, here we are, still happily together.
For more insights on relationships and parenting, you might find this article on artificial insemination helpful. If you’re looking for a deeper exploration of family dynamics, check out this resource for expert advice. Additionally, for further information on fertility treatments and home insemination, this NHS guide serves as an excellent resource.
In summary, it’s perfectly okay to go to bed angry sometimes. What’s vital is your ongoing commitment to communication and understanding within your marriage.