As you peel your child off your leg at the classroom door, I see your struggle to stay composed, your smile masking a quiet plea for them to join their calm peers who have seamlessly entered the classroom. I witness your efforts at the grocery store, desperately preventing your little one from toppling over the beautifully stacked apples while they leap for the perfect banana, exclaiming, “Mommy, you just have to buy this!”
I notice how you change the subject or delay your responses when your child asks questions that might lead to disappointment in front of others—anything to sidestep yet another potential meltdown. At playdates, while other mothers exchange stories about life, favorite recipes, and books, you hover nearby, ever vigilant. Your child requires your attention every moment, whether it’s for comfort, reassurance, or just to feel secure.
I see the hidden tears you shed when your child, who needs just a little more patience, is told, “Go away!” by their peers, leaving you acutely aware that even at four years old, they sometimes ask for too much from the world around them. You understand this feeling all too well; it’s a wound that reopens each time you witness your child struggle to connect.
At “family-friendly” gatherings, where adults enjoy cocktails and light conversations, your mind races with worries. You fear your child may tumble from a height or have a meltdown reminiscent of a scene from a classic movie. This constant vigilance leaves little space for casual conversation, prompting you to decline invitations to others’ homes.
You often find yourself sitting in the car, waiting to pick up your older child while your little one is securely buckled in their car seat. The thought of engaging with anyone—even a simple “hello”—is exhausting, and the peace of sitting still is a luxury you can hardly explain to those whose children play independently. You’ve heard tales of children who allow their parents moments of solitude, but for you, these stories feel as mythical as unicorns.
Your days are filled with unexpected challenges, injuries, and fierce emotions. Everyday chores require meticulous planning, a well-stocked bag of snacks, and essential items always at the ready. I recognize you because I am just like you. We share knowing glances at the park; we are kindred spirits navigating the complexities of raising intense kids.
We are the moms who apologize to others when our children collide—physically or emotionally—with theirs. We comfort our crying littles who find the chaos of a local playground overwhelming. We sit on the sidelines while other kids engage in carefree play, our children needing our hands to guide them every step of the way.
Raising a child who experiences emotions at an extreme level can be challenging, but it is also a journey filled with vibrant curiosity and unfiltered passion. Intense kids bring an unparalleled awareness to the world around them, marveling at the smallest details, from the first bud blooming in the garden to the way raindrops create patterns on a window. Their enthusiasm for life is infectious, and those moments of pure love, when they look into your eyes and say, “I love you, Mommy, you’re the bestest mommy in the whole universe,” are treasures more elusive than mythical creatures.
To the mother of the child who wears their feelings on the outside, I raise a virtual toast to you. While we may not cross paths in organized mommy groups or social gatherings, know that you are seen. If we ever find a moment free of distractions to connect, I have no doubt we would become fast friends.
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Summary
This article empathizes with mothers raising spirited children, acknowledging the unique challenges they face in daily life. It highlights the emotional intensity and curiosity of intense kids while offering a sense of solidarity among mothers in similar situations. The piece encourages connection through shared experiences, understanding, and support.