As a mother for the past six years, I’ve observed a concerning trend among fellow parents that leaves me feeling not just uncomfortable, but genuinely upset. Some moms wear this behavior like a badge of honor, believing they are being progressive and open-minded. However, this perception couldn’t be more misguided.
The notion of colorblindness is not the antidote to racism; it actually nurtures it.
A couple of years ago, while waiting outside my daughter’s preschool for her to finish class, I heard a little boy exclaim excitedly, “Mom! There are brown kids in my class! Three brown kids!” His mother’s reaction was immediate—she shushed him sharply, her eyes darting around to check if anyone overheard. The boy looked bewildered, unsure of what he had done wrong or why his mother didn’t share in his excitement.
That same year, after attending a Christmas Eve service, my family and I went out for dinner. The restaurant was mostly empty except for a few older couples and a family of four in a booth. We chose a table near the fireplace, ordered our meals, and settled in. A young girl, around five years old, quietly approached our table. I could see her curiosity as she looked at my two-year-old and the newborn in my arms.
“Hi,” she said with wide eyes.
“Hi,” I replied, already sensing the question that was on her mind.
“Are those your kids?” she asked.
“Yes,” I responded, noticing her parents had just realized their daughter was at our table. She scrutinized us, seemingly wanting to ask more but unsure how. Meanwhile, her parents remained at their table, stunned and silent.
I decided to address her curiosity directly. “My kids are adopted. Do you know what adopted means?”
She listened intently, although she didn’t respond.
“They came from another mommy who couldn’t take care of them, so we take care of them now. They are our children,” I explained.
Her follow-up question caught me off guard: “Do they see their other mommies?”
“Yes,” I replied. “We visit their other mommies.”
“My baby brother uses the same bottles as your baby,” she pointed out, shifting the conversation. I could see her parents breathe a sigh of relief as the topic changed. Her dad called her back to the table.
These encounters are not isolated. I’ve had a little boy at the park question how I could be the mother of my black children, and a cashier ask if my caramel-skinned son was mine. A girl in my oldest child’s class once asked if my daughter and another black girl were sisters. I explained that skin color does not determine sibling relationships.
These children were seeking honesty. Parents must realize that ignoring, silencing, or avoiding their child’s questions about race only harms their understanding of this important subject. Children are perceptive; they can tell when their parents are not being truthful. Evasion breeds distrust and confusion, which are detrimental to healthy relationships.
When you promote the idea of colorblindness instead of embracing the reality of racial differences, you are denying a significant part of who my children are, and you’re robbing your child of the opportunity to recognize, understand, and celebrate diversity.
So, the next time your child points out a family that doesn’t resemble them, or expresses excitement about a friend who looks different, or asks one of those tough questions about racism, take a moment. Breathe deeply, sit down with them, and offer some truth. For more insights on parenting and family dynamics, check out this resource on pregnancy and home insemination, as well as this article that dives deeper into understanding these critical topics.