By: Ava Mitchell
Date: Jan. 6, 2023
No matter how hard I try, the weight of exhaustion often feels insurmountable, much like attempting to hold back the relentless flow of a waterfall. My dinner sits untouched on the counter, waiting for the chaos to subside.
As I rock, bounce, and soothe my little one, I juggle filling my two-year-old’s milk cup for the third time since her nap. I don’t ask for much. I just want a moment of peace. Yet, there are days when I long for a shower that I can enjoy without the rush of time, where I don’t have to decide between shaving my armpits or my legs—who has time for both, let alone neither?
There are moments when I dream of savoring a hot meal from start to finish, without sharing it with my sweet toddler (though I’m grateful she enjoys our meals). I occasionally fantasize about spontaneously going somewhere I want to go, without the hassle of loading and unloading kids from car seats, packing snacks and milk cups, and accommodating nap times or meltdowns.
And then there’s the guilt. As I prepare my eldest’s dinner, I hear my newborn crying in his swing. I know he’s safe for a few minutes, but my heart aches for him. He’ll never experience the same undivided attention that my daughter had for the first two years of her life.
On the flip side, I recognize that he is just a tiny newborn who requires most of my focus and relies on me for nourishment. Sometimes, I don’t realize how much I’ve dedicated to him until I hand him off to someone else, only to see my daughter rush back to me the moment she notices my arms are empty. She clings to me tightly, and my heart breaks, realizing she misses me despite being around all day.
This is motherhood: a blend of challenges and sweetness that is the most significant responsibility I’ve ever been given. Amid the tears of exhaustion and self-doubt, I often feel overwhelmed with joy and a profound sense of unworthiness. How did I become so fortunate to raise these precious beings? I wouldn’t trade this role for anything.
After a few weeks, the fog of this new season begins to lift, and we start to find our rhythm. Old struggles fade away, only for new ones to emerge as each stage of development arrives and swiftly passes. They say life is but a vapor; if that’s true, these fleeting moments vanish even quicker.
In the midst of fatigue, there exists joy. What greater gift does life offer than love? The love I have for my children is immense, often feeling as though my heart might burst. Surely, this feeling—where my heart overflows, yet I sometimes want to retreat to the bathroom and cry because motherhood can be so overwhelming—is a universal experience.
I reflect on these moments of profound love amidst the overwhelming responsibility, and I gain a deeper appreciation for my own mother. I understand how she loved me unconditionally, how her heart ached during my struggles, and how I likely caused her frustration and exhaustion. I recognize the times she may have doubted herself, yet she loved me fiercely through it all.
To all mothers—biological, adoptive, those who have lost, and mother figures—no one loves like you do. In those moments when tears fall, patience wears thin, and feelings of failure arise, remember: I celebrate you, tears and all. You are more than enough, and your unconditional love deserves acknowledgment. I pray you find immeasurable joy in the mundane moments of motherhood, and that you understand that YOU. ARE. AMAZING.
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Summary
Motherhood is filled with challenges, moments of joy, and feelings of guilt, often leading to an overwhelming sense of love and responsibility. As moms navigate through exhaustion and self-doubt, it’s essential to remember that their love is irreplaceable and that they are doing more than enough. Each day brings new struggles and triumphs, and recognizing these moments can lead to a deeper appreciation of the journey of raising children.