I must confess: I may have misrepresented myself during my wedding vows.
My partner and I are distinctly different individuals. He thrives in the comfort of our home, enjoys cozy dinners that don’t break the bank, and loves tackling home improvement projects or binge-watching shows that encourage alternative thinking. In stark contrast, I’m always on the lookout for new adventures, prone to splurging on experiences, and the only shows I can watch in their entirety are documentaries on World War II. Well, maybe Game of Thrones, True Detective Season 1, or any episode of The Office and The West Wing. But that’s about it.
We were introduced through mutual friends, two of whom stood by us on our wedding day. Our initial conversation? A spirited debate about the Italian and Greek empires. It was lively, perhaps light on facts, but it set the tone for the dynamic of our relationship.
In the beginning, our connection revolved around shared interests: our mutual passion for the middle class, loyalty to American-made cars (BUICK FOR LIFE, WOOO WOOOOOOO!), and our playful jabs at each other and the world around us. It was exhilarating and fast-paced, but it didn’t equate to building a life together.
Once we moved in as a couple, the landscape shifted. What started as thought-provoking discussions morphed into accusations about laundry left unattended, escalating into personal attacks. That’s a reality of marriage. It’s all about choosing your battles wisely. It’s about recognizing imperfections and deciding whether to complain about them or to appreciate the strengths that overshadow those flaws.
Marriage is a conscious choice. It persists until it doesn’t—whether through divorce or death. It’s a series of choices made day after day.
My husband believes I come off as condescending when I’m upset, while I think he tends to overreact to minor issues. Neither of us is entirely wrong, but we both can be overly sensitive to each other’s quirks. Interestingly, the traits that irritate me now were once the very attributes that drew me to him.
In 2012, I described him as “loyal, someone who fights for his beliefs and defends his friends fiercely.” Fast forward to now, in moments of frustration, I might say, “He’s overly loyal, sometimes to a fault, prioritizing friends over principles.”
This perspective shift is all too common in long-term relationships. I’d wager that in 2012, he’d have described me as ambitious and intelligent; today, when he’s annoyed, he might say I manipulate discussions to exploit weaknesses in arguments.
Despite these character nuances, we can find common ground on household chores, holiday plans, or who gets up with the baby. However, we must never compromise on the essence of who we are.
These very characteristics may challenge our marriage, but they were also the foundation that brought us together. I love my husband deeply, and I will continue to do so until the end of my days. He has given me a beautiful child, endless joy, and a much-appreciated dishwasher. If a time comes when we can no longer tolerate each other, we will maintain an open line of communication to determine what’s best for our family and our well-being.
Marriage is a choice made every single day. So, while I didn’t explicitly state it on June 21st, 2015, I commit to keeping him as one of my top priorities. I will strive to move past the petty arguments that arise. I vow to prioritize our child above all else. Most importantly, I promise never to let our relationship feel like an obligation, but rather a cherished choice. He deserves to be the best part of my life, and I deserve that too. If that ever falters, I won’t stay silent.
I may have lied during my vows, but my commitment remains steadfast.
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