“Mom! I’m scared!”
I don’t know how many times I’ve been jolted awake by this plea from my three kids. While I anticipated such calls during their toddler years, my youngest two are now 13 and 9, and it’s not uncommon for them to wake me in the night, either from a nightmare or simply because their imaginations have run wild.
I truly appreciate their vivid imaginations; it’s a trait that adds depth to their personalities. However, this creativity also gives rise to a variety of fears. Coupled with a family history of anxiety, it often feels like my children are predisposed to irrational fears.
As a parent, managing this has proven to be one of my biggest challenges. I tend to rely on logic and reason to combat my own fears, but irrational fears, by their nature, resist such approaches. My children’s fears often seem nonsensical to me, and my logical solutions frequently miss the mark for their still-maturing minds. Kids often haven’t grasped that they have power over their imaginary monsters; they just feel overwhelmed.
A majority of the time, their fears stem from an inability to control their thoughts. When I ask what scares them, they typically respond with, “I’m thinking about something scary.” This vague explanation complicates my efforts to assist them.
When their fears are tied to something specific, like a monster lurking in their room, it’s easier for me to help. I can flip on all the lights to demonstrate there’s nothing there or provide them with a “Monster Spray” to ward off any imaginary threats. However, when the fear originates from within, I find it challenging to connect and help.
They often struggle to articulate their fears, and I’ve tried encouraging them to visualize happy places or recall their best days. Unfortunately, they frequently insist they can’t. I’ve attempted to soothe them with songs, prayers, or stories, but they often feel unhelpful.
It’s frustrating not to have the right words to ensure their safety and comfort. The only remedy that seems effective is my presence, but I can’t always be there. It’s crucial for them to learn to handle their fears independently over time.
My instinct as a protective parent is to assure them that I will keep them safe, as it pains me to see them distressed. Yet, my ultimate goal is to empower them to find their own courage.
In theory, this sounds simple, but in the quiet of the night, when the atmosphere feels strange and everyone’s minds are less than alert, it becomes a daunting task. When exhaustion sets in, I sometimes find myself losing patience, responding with statements like, “There’s nothing to fear! We’re in our cozy home! Just close your eyes and sleep!”
There are times when a little tough love might be necessary, but it feels wrong when dealing with a frightened child. I can be strict about bedtime antics like asking for water or other distractions, but when they cry out in fear, it’s palpable. I can hear it in their voices and see it on their faces; they’re genuinely scared and need reassurance.
We try to mitigate their fears during the day by avoiding horror movies and limiting exposure to frightening imagery. While I hear about other kids who relish reading scary stories, my children would rather avoid them entirely. It perplexes me how some children thrive on such content while others are deeply unsettled by it.
Interestingly, my kids often find themselves spooked by the most unexpected things. One of them adored Harry Potter but was terrified by a seemingly harmless VeggieTales video. There’s simply no way to predict what might trigger their anxieties, nor is there a guaranteed method to soothe them.
Some strategies have offered temporary relief. Flashlights can be comforting, leaving the bathroom light on helps, and letting them listen to audiobooks can sometimes distract them—unless, of course, the story contains a creepy twist. Yet, nothing is foolproof.
Thankfully, we have an older teen, Emma, who once struggled with nighttime fears and has since overcome them. She now sleeps soundly in her own room, so I hold on to hope for my younger two.
Learning to confront personal fears and battle inner demons takes time. Our role as parents is to exhibit patience and equip our children with the skills and encouragement they need to gradually master their anxieties.
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Summary
Managing children’s fears can be a daunting task, especially when they stem from irrational thoughts. While comforting them can be challenging, it’s essential for parents to teach kids how to confront their fears independently over time.