It’s not uncommon for children to playfully tease about their friends’ possessions, and my kids are no exception. They often engage in the game of “let’s see if we can convince Mom to get us this or that” while exaggerating their own situation. You know the drill — they act as if they are the only ones lacking certain luxuries, especially following my divorce from their father.
As young kids, they are naturally inclined to compare their lives to those of their peers. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been surprised when they began contrasting their time spent with their dad against their time with me during this transition. They stay at their father’s place a few nights a week, a cozy condo just ten miles away, conveniently located near all the fun spots like McDonald’s, the mall, and the local movie theater. With sidewalks and street lights, it’s a kid-friendly environment where they can easily meet friends and order takeout without ever having to lift a finger for yard work, thanks to the condo association.
In contrast, my home is a small town with limited sidewalks and few friends nearby. The absence of delivery services means they can’t just pop out for pizza with friends, making life here seem dull in comparison. They’ve spent their entire lives in this house, but now they’re adjusting to two different homes. I initially believed it was best for them to remain in the home they knew, yet they now express a desire for me to sell our family house and move closer to their dad’s condo. They seem to have forgotten the joys of sledding in the backyard or family bonfires, focusing instead on the immediate fun factor.
I understand they are kids, and their priorities differ from mine, but I refuse to change my parenting approach just because they find their dad’s condo more enjoyable. Chores have always been part of their routine, and that won’t change just because their father’s household is a little more relaxed. I recognize that he doesn’t see them as often, works long hours, and wants to make the most of their time together, which may explain his more laid-back approach to household responsibilities.
I genuinely want my children to savor their moments with their dad. Not only does it allow me some breathing room as a solo parent, but it also provides them with experiences that contribute to their growth. However, I refuse to let their fun times with him make me feel guilty or inadequate as a parent. I did struggle with these feelings initially, but I’ve come to understand that it’s not about competing with their dad; it’s about both of us doing our best as parents—albeit in different ways.
I’ve always been seen as the stricter parent. I’m the one who picks them up from school, ensures their lunches are packed, homework is completed, and appointments are scheduled. While this can create stress, I maintain a structured environment for their benefit. I may be viewed as the “bad guy,” but I won’t compromise my parenting style just because it differs from their father’s.
Realizing that both of us are doing what we believe is right for our children has brought me peace. Sure, the idea of takeout and someone else handling the yard work sounds appealing, but I won’t let that affect how I feel about my parenting. For those looking for additional resources on parenting, you may find value in this article and also check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while my kids may appear to have more fun with their dad after our divorce, I accept that different parenting styles coexist. I won’t allow their enjoyment to undermine my role as their mother. After all, parenting isn’t about competition; it’s about doing what’s best for our children in our own unique ways.