We all know that one person who can effortlessly shift any discussion into a monologue about their own life. Whether you’re discussing the loss of a loved one or the challenge of finding a suitable babysitter, they somehow manage to relate everything back to their own experiences. Planning to buy a new jacket? Suddenly, it’s all about their jacket shopping saga.
These individuals can be incredibly frustrating to converse with, often leaving you feeling unheard and overlooked. This habit of commandeering conversations is scientifically termed “conversational narcissism.” And let’s be clear: when the term “narcissistic” is involved, it usually has a negative connotation.
Dealing with Conversational Narcissism
So, how can you deal with this type of friend? Or what if you realize, with a sinking feeling, that you might be that person? The reassuring news is that being a conversational narcissist doesn’t automatically make you a bad person. According to sociologist and author David Harper, this tendency often stems from the competitive nature of social interactions in our society. He suggests, “In social settings, people feel compelled to vie for attention,” which can lead to a pattern of steering conversations back to themselves.
Additionally, we often share our own stories in an attempt to empathize with those we care about. When a friend opens up about their struggles, it’s natural for our minds to search for similar experiences to relate to. However, that doesn’t mean we should interrupt and share our own tales.
I’ll admit it: I sometimes fall into this trap. I can be that friend who inadvertently takes over discussions, much to the annoyance of those around me. But let’s face it—many of us have experienced that urge to jump in and share our thoughts while someone else is speaking. Research indicates this behavior is quite common; a study from Harvard revealed that people derive pleasure from talking about themselves, comparable to the enjoyment associated with food, sex, or even illicit substances. Mix this innate self-interest with the desire to empathize, and you have a recipe for conversational narcissism.
Finding Balance in Conversations
Now, let’s revisit the “narcissist” label. Even if it’s an unintentional behavior, it won’t win you many friends. So, what’s the remedy? Journalist and author, Lisa Thompson, offers a solution in her engaging TED Talk titled “How a Great Conversation is Like Playing Catch.” She emphasizes that a healthy conversation should mimic a game of catch—where both parties actively participate. “You should be talking 50% of the time and listening the other 50%,” she notes, “yet we often lack that conversational balance.”
This concept makes perfect sense, but what if your mind races with stories you’re eager to share? Thompson has a strategy for that too. She advises using your personal anecdotes to deepen your understanding of the other person’s feelings but emphasizes the importance of listening instead of interjecting. “You don’t want to immediately start sharing your similar experiences,” she cautions.
For those of us who struggle with conversational narcissism, the solution seems straightforward: prioritize listening over speaking. Remember, a conversation should feel like a game of catch—nobody enjoys a ball hog.
Conclusion
In conclusion, being aware of conversational narcissism is the first step toward more meaningful interactions. By practicing active listening and sharing the conversational space, we can foster better connections with those around us. For more insights on similar topics, explore this informative piece on home insemination kits or check out this comprehensive resource on treating infertility.
Summary
Conversational narcissism is the tendency to dominate conversations by steering them back to oneself, often stemming from a desire for attention and empathy. While it’s a common behavior, it can hinder meaningful connections. To counteract this, prioritize listening and engage in a balanced exchange, akin to playing catch in a conversation.