Lifestyle
Hello, I’m 33 years old, and I find myself entangled in a toxic relationship. This relationship is with my mother.
As I reflect on how we arrived at this point, I realize I have become a victim of her psychological abuse. You might be wondering: What exactly did she do? What were the signs? And why would an adult tolerate such behavior? These are valid questions, especially since my mother never physically harmed me—she never laid a hand on me, nor did she engage in inappropriate touching.
We shared moments of joy and created good memories together, yet here I am, caught in this complex situation. This is the confusing nature of emotional abuse: it doesn’t manifest through violent outbursts or overt insults right from the start. Instead, it begins with affection and charm. My mother’s initial approach was to envelop me in love, creating a false sense of security that masked her abusive tendencies.
For many years, I struggled to label her actions as abuse. But with the clarity of hindsight, it’s evident: I was indeed a victim of emotional manipulation.
My mother’s harmful behaviors began subtly. The early interactions didn’t involve shouting or insults; rather, they were characterized by emotional games. “Mommy’s sad. You wouldn’t want to upset Mommy, would you? Give Mommy a hug. Stay close to Mommy.” At first glance, these words don’t seem harmful, and in isolation, they weren’t. However, as time passed, the situation shifted. My mother adopted more classic abusive tactics, wielding anger, resentment, and hostility as tools to control me. I became the target of her negative emotions.
She belittled me, hurled insults, and did everything within her power to diminish my self-worth. I began to internalize her hurtful words; I felt stupid, overweight, needy, and dramatic.
In addition to this emotional toll, she isolated me. My teenage years were defined by restrictions—no outings with friends, no parties, no dates, and no sleepovers. My social life was virtually non-existent, and this continued for years. It wasn’t until my 18th birthday that I managed to break free and leave, but I still didn’t fully grasp the depth of my mother’s impact on my life.
It was only during a recent therapy session when I broke down and realized my truth. “This has to stop. I’m trapped in an abusive relationship—with my 63-year-old mother.” That was a moment of awakening, and the reality struck hard: I still am.
Psychological abuse can take many forms. Some individuals manipulate their victims through isolation and rejection, while others resort to humiliation and demeaning behavior. Some abusers terrorize their victims with excessive teasing, screaming, and threats, while others simply ignore their most basic human needs. Many victims, myself included, endure this invisible battle for years, unaware that they are being abused until it’s too late.
Emotional abuse is cold, cruel, and degrading, leaving lasting scars on its victims. It can affect confidence, self-image, friendships, and even future relationships. My experiences with my mother stripped me of my voice and power at a young age, leading me to become a people-pleaser with limited social skills. Having known nothing but emotional abuse, I unwittingly entered a relationship with an abuser—my husband, who subjected me to both emotional and physical violence. This cycle of trauma left me with anxiety and PTSD.
So, what can we do to help ourselves and others in similar situations? First and foremost, we must talk about it. Raising awareness and supporting those who are still suffering by believing their experiences is crucial. We have to name these behaviors for what they truly are: abuse.
Emotional manipulation, neglect, humiliation, and isolation are all forms of abuse. As I come to terms with my status as an ongoing victim, I am committed to seeking professional help. Therapy is my pathway to confronting my pain, processing my trauma, and reclaiming my voice. I am learning to establish boundaries that honor my self-worth, and I’m actively working on believing in myself.
Although I love the mother I once knew, I can no longer maintain a relationship with the person she has become. It’s a painful decision; I feel disappointment and guilt. My mother, too, is a product of her own upbringing, with her own struggles and history of abuse. However, I cannot change her; I can only change myself.
And you, dear reader, if you resonate with my story, know that healing is possible. You can overcome your struggles. With time, guidance, and support, you will find your strength. You are worthy of love and respect.
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