I never envisioned myself as a mother of five. While I always dreamed of having kids, I assumed I would adhere to the conventional path of having two—typically a boy and a girl. It turns out I’m not alone; many Americans still believe that two children is the ideal family size. To me, anything beyond that felt daunting, financially taxing, and frankly, not part of my family planning agenda.
However, due to a combination of lax birth control, a lack of understanding about reproductive health (did you know you can conceive while breastfeeding?), and the undeniable cuteness of babies, I suddenly found myself the mother of five energetic kids. It felt like I woke up one day to realize we needed a minivan with three rows of seats.
In today’s world, families with four or more children are considered large—and increasingly rare. In fact, only 14% of families fall into this category. This explains why, when I’m out and about with my crew, I often receive puzzled looks, comments like, “You sure have your hands full!” and my personal favorite, “Are they all yours?”
I totally understand the bewilderment of strangers. More often than not, I probably appear overwhelmed, lost, or a combination of both. If you’re a mom of four or more, I know you can relate, and I want you to know that I see you—our experiences resonate with each other on countless levels.
Now, it’s not that having a large family equates to more work than raising an only child. I’m not here to complain about my responsibilities or draw comparisons because every mother works hard. I handle cooking, laundry, and scheduling just like any mom with one child. However, there is a distinct difference in the experience of mothers with larger families.
So, what sets us apart?
While we may be checking off similar tasks, chances are good that we’re doing them with a bit less finesse—perhaps half-asleep, on autopilot, or simply struggling to recall what we’re meant to be doing.
This shared struggle is why, when I encounter other large families in public, the moms and I often exchange a knowing glance—a silent acknowledgment that we’re all navigating our own beautiful chaos.
Here are a few things that unite moms like us:
- Memory? What Memory?
I first recognized this truth during my pregnancy with my fourth child. There were days when I honestly forgot I was expecting or lost track of how far along I was. With so many responsibilities at home, it was easy to overlook the little life growing inside me. I’d sit down with a glass of wine only to be reminded by a kick, “Oops, I forgot I can’t have this!” When someone would ask about my due date, my typical response was, “Uh, I think it’s soon?” - Financial Strain is Real.
Want to know the cost of getting five kids through braces? It’s about the same as my orthodontist’s monthly car payment. Add in expenses for piano lessons, soccer gear, and college funds—let’s just say my bank account has been stretched thin for years trying to support this crew. - Details, Details Everywhere.
While filling out forms at a new pediatrician’s office, I was asked for all my kids’ social security numbers. I chuckled, thinking about the mental load. There are so many appointments to remember: sports practices, school projects, and medical check-ups. Did I forget to pick up a child from school again? Has anyone seen the baby lately? - Frugality is Our Middle Name.
Back when my house was filled with toddlers, I only changed diapers when they had fully soaked through. Just a hint of wetness? Sorry kiddo, you’re still in that diaper! If you want excellent money-saving tips, find a mom with a large family—she can stretch a single pound of ground beef to feed an army of teenagers! - Clarity in Chaos.
Perhaps the silver lining of raising a large family is our ability to discern what truly matters. With so much happening at once, we’ve learned to prioritize what’s essential. Instead of hovering over each child, we’ve found a balance that allows us to embrace the chaos while focusing on what truly makes a family.
I take immense pride in the life I’ve created for my large family. While it can be messy and sometimes overwhelming, I consider it a privilege to raise these little humans and prepare them to contribute to society. Yes, it’s hectic and exhausting. Yes, I often long for moments of quiet. But I know those peaceful days will come, and I’ll likely miss the vibrant noise of family life.
For more insights on family planning and related topics, check out this post on in vitro fertilisation to expand your knowledge.
Summary:
Moms of large families share unique experiences that shape their parenting journey. From managing financial strain to juggling numerous details, these mothers navigate their chaotic lives with a sense of humor and resilience. They prioritize what truly matters and learn valuable lessons along the way, embracing both the challenges and joys of raising multiple children.