It was an ordinary afternoon. I had stepped out to grab a late lunch and hurried back to my office, eager to catch up on paperwork, eat, and hopefully squeeze in a bathroom break before my middle school class began. As I used my staff access pass, the door opened automatically, and I ascended the still staircase, knowing I had about 15 minutes before the usual flurry of students filled the halls.
As the clock ticked down, I decided it was time to take that bathroom break. However, when I arrived at the teachers’ restroom, the door was locked—a rare occurrence. Assuming it might be under repair, I began to walk away when suddenly, the calm voice of our vice principal crackled over the PA system: “Please remain in your classrooms.” It was soothing, yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.
Returning to my classroom, I quickly realized that the time for class changes had passed, and the hallways remained eerily silent. The restrooms were locked, and the PA announcement lingered in my mind—I had unwittingly returned to work during a school lockdown.
Since the tragedy at Sandy Hook, lockdown drills have become a grim norm, training the entire student body to hide in the event of an intruder, or as some training videos ominously describe, a “live shooter.” Even knowing it’s just a drill, the anxiety is palpable; the what-ifs loom large. During these drills, I typically comfort my students while also strategizing how to protect them if the situation were real.
But today, I found myself alone. Realizing the gravity of the lockdown, I locked the classroom doors and found a hiding spot. From my position, I could see a computer screen and occasionally glance out the window toward the front of the building. It was then that I noticed an email from our principal, warning, “Open the door only if they use our code word.” A chill ran through me as I spotted police officers approaching the building, rifles drawn. This was no drill.
The next email was even more distressing: not only was my middle school on lockdown, but so was the elementary school nearby—where my five-year-old son was attending class. The reality struck me hard: my child was two blocks away, possibly facing the same terrifying situation, and I was powerless to help. I quickly typed an email to my family, trembling as I conveyed my fear.
Suddenly, the sounds of helicopters filled the air, accompanied by the rattling of my classroom door. A voice announced, “Police,” but did not use the code word. My heart raced. Should I reveal myself, or remain hidden? I caught a glimpse of the officer as he searched the classroom, his rifle in hand, and my thoughts raced back to my son, enduring a similar ordeal. I stepped out, tears streaming down my face, and the officer assured me I’d chosen a good hiding place, but I felt only fear and despair. The search continued.
After what felt like an eternity—though it was likely less than an hour—an announcement came over the PA system declaring, “All clear.” Both schools had been thoroughly checked, and everyone was safe. I felt numb, knowing I needed to compose myself before my students arrived. The urge to rush to the elementary school and hold my son was strong, but I reminded myself that stability was crucial for him, so I refrained from disrupting his routine.
When the day finally ended, I rushed to meet my son, battling back tears while putting on a brave face. To my relief, he was smiling and immediately wanted to play on the playground. I took a deep breath, thankful for that moment.
Yet, I still needed to see his teacher—to express my gratitude for her unwavering support during such a trying time. I couldn’t find the words to thank her properly; my appreciation felt too profound to articulate.
Everything is not fine.
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Summary
This article recounts a vivid experience during a school lockdown, emphasizing the emotional impact of such drills and the reality parents face regarding their children’s safety. It highlights the need for continuous improvement in school safety protocols and the importance of mental health support during crises.
Keyphrase: School Lockdowns Experience
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