Updated: March 19, 2021
Originally Published: November 30, 2017
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Baby showers seem to be reserved for everyone else.
Engaging in light conversation with a family friend was manageable for me. While I might not share his enthusiasm for small talk, I’ve inherited my dad’s knack for chatting with anyone, anywhere.
As my daughter dashed about, the friend commented on her noticeably fluffy diaper. I explained that we use cloth diapers. She reminisced about her own experiences with cloth during her parenting journey in the early ’70s, lamenting her daughter’s struggles to find the right disposable option—one that was affordable and didn’t irritate her grandchildren’s skin.
I nodded along, then she struck a nerve: “And those baby showers are the worst! You end up with a mountain of diapers, and you just hope they fit your kids!”
“Yeah, well,” I replied, “we didn’t encounter that issue.”
With my first child, my (male) best friend and his wife tried to throw me a shower, but only one person showed up. Seriously.
I don’t have a large circle of girlfriends, and the few I had back then were childless. Each one canceled for various reasons, leaving me feeling abandoned. My office, which is predominantly female, forgot to organize anything until my last day, and their last-minute effort fell flat.
Now, my best friend is back in New York, and after two years as a stay-at-home mom, those kid-free friendships have faded.
I never anticipated a baby shower. But society doesn’t seem to recognize that. I’m a 31-year-old, average-looking (I think) mom-to-be who shares cheerful bump photos on social media, just like everyone else. Baby showers are considered standard, even for second-time moms. Recently, I was invited to a surprise sprinkle for another friend expecting her second child. I’ve even seen photos of “light shower” events for several seasoned moms this year. Some are termed sprinkles, while others opt for themed showers like diaper showers, book showers, or meal showers, where attendees prepare freezer meals for the mom.
It’s a universal assumption that all expectant mothers are celebrated with parties. Why wouldn’t they be? After all, they are creating life within their own bodies! Yet, it seems that everyone around me believes someone else will step up.
What happens when the showers are absent?
A drought occurs… or you learn to nurture it yourself.
For a long time, I let that drought linger. I stayed parched and cracked. Honestly, I still find myself in that place at times. But I’m trying to remember to take care of myself. After all, it’s my baby.
We don’t need material things. I don’t require gifts. What I truly desire is celebration. I want my children to be honored and recognized for the miracles they are. And you know what? I can do that. There might not be as many balloons, banners, or cupcakes adorned with tiny baby booties, but I can still celebrate.
I’m releasing the notion that a party symbolizes love. Not everyone receives a shower. Most mothers around the world aren’t American friends sipping mocktails and nibbling on cake pops.
I’m letting go of the hurt that arises from seeing invitations and images of others’ joyful occasions. Social media is not reality. I genuinely want others to feel happy for me. No one intends to cause pain; it’s simply how life unfolds.
I’m relinquishing the expectation that everyone can provide the effort and closeness I seek. It’s unfair to assume that they can. Not fair to me, nor to them. I often struggle to manage my daughter’s needs and maintain my basic self-care. Why should I expect more from others?
I am going to shower myself with love and appreciation. I created a person—how incredible is that? Every single cell of my baby’s body originated from me. I absolutely deserve to celebrate myself. And I did it while caring for another little human I brought into this world. I may feel lonely at times, but I’m also a force of nature.
I will shower myself—not with things we can’t afford or likely don’t need. I’m showering myself with kindness, compassion, and love for this body that has built a family from the ground up.
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In Summary
While societal norms may suggest that all expectant mothers receive a shower, it’s essential to recognize that celebration can come in many forms. Whether or not you have a traditional party, embracing the joy of motherhood is what truly matters.