Parenting
Many parents envision large families, while others choose to have just one child, whether by choice or circumstance. Some families start with one child and feel that their family is complete. I, however, find myself in a different position. Initially, I dreamed of having two or three children, expecting to have a partner by my side. Though conceiving was challenging, I successfully turned to a donor and IVF, and I likely could do so again. However, financially and realistically, welcoming another child into our lives simply isn’t feasible.
Thus, I accept that I am likely a “one and done” mom. My love for my son is deeper than I ever imagined, yet I often feel I have more affection to give — perhaps not during the chaotic toddler years, but definitely in the future. And that realization is disheartening.
I thought I had made peace with the fact that I hadn’t found a partner to share this journey with before my son arrived. What I struggle with, however, are the limitations that come with being a single mother. I never anticipated how profound the experience of pregnancy would be, nor did I realize how much joy I would find in watching my child grow and evolve. I yearn to share the wonders of life with someone who approaches the world with wide-eyed curiosity, and I envy the sibling bonds I see my nephew forming with his sister and cousin. I can’t help but wish my son could experience the joys of being a big brother too. In short, the realization of my maternal instincts has been overwhelming.
Perhaps my emotions are heightened as I navigate the changes that come with weaning, or maybe it’s the thought of raising an only child that troubles me. I grew up without siblings, and I worry about how that will shape our family dynamic. Seeing friends, including other single mothers, trying for a second child makes me nostalgic and, to be honest, a bit envious.
It’s becoming clearer to me that my son and I are moving past certain milestones, and while I cherish each new experience, I’m saddened to bid farewell to some aspects of his infancy. He still has numerous milestones ahead: his first words, bike rides, using the potty, and starting school. If I were to have another child, that journey would repeat, and I would again find myself saying goodbye to babyhood too soon. I can’t shake the feeling that every parent should have the opportunity to experience this journey at least twice. Perhaps the second time around, I would be more present and appreciative of every fleeting moment.
Realistically, my chances of having a second child are slim, akin to winning the lottery — something that feels equally unlikely. This acknowledgment is painful, but it also opens a door to treasure every moment with my son, embracing both the wonderful and the challenging times. Since he is my only child, I have no one else to hold back for or to think, “Next time…”
This moment is ours — just the two of us. And we will savor it to the fullest. Still, I might just play the Powerball occasionally. Just in case.
This article was originally published on September 23, 2017.
For those curious about family planning options, consider checking out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination, which you can find at Hopkins Medicine. If you’re interested in exploring artificial insemination, this post offers valuable insights. For more on this topic, visit Modern Family Blog, a trusted authority.
Summary:
In this reflection, Jessica Turner shares her journey as a single mom embracing the reality of being “one and done.” She discusses the complexities of motherhood, the emotional weight of not having a second child, and the joy of cherishing every moment with her son.