Parenting
I became pregnant at just 15 years old. The father, Jake, was my closest friend, but we were both in emotionally turbulent places. I found out about my pregnancy while in a residential treatment program, which felt overwhelming. Breaking the news to my mother was one of the most daunting experiences of my life, and informing Jake’s parents was equally nerve-racking. Yet, we managed to do it.
After many discussions with my mom, I made the difficult decision to create an adoption plan. Having grown up with a mother who had me at 14, I understood the challenges of young parenthood. Though financial support was available thanks to Jake’s family, I wanted my daughter to have the stability and nurturing that I felt I couldn’t provide. I envisioned her growing up with two loving, married parents who were emotionally equipped to give her the best life possible.
We collaborated with an adoption agency to initiate the process. We carefully chose the adoptive couple — the father was a successful neurosurgeon, and the mother was a dedicated psychiatric nurse practitioner who intended to stay home with the baby for the first year. They had been married for five years, had pets, and shared our values, including a commitment to equality. They were also a mixed-race couple, which was particularly significant to Jake, a transracial adoptee. They were genuinely the perfect match we could have hoped for.
We held several meetings, enjoying dinners together, park outings, and even a tour of their home. I was invited to my daughter’s baby shower and attended with excitement. We agreed on an open adoption plan, allowing for bimonthly visits and weekly text or email check-ins. Honestly, our open adoption plan was likely a dream scenario for many birth parents. Both Jake and I processed our feelings with a therapist and even attended couple’s counseling to navigate our emotions.
Everything seemed to be going smoothly until the day my daughter was born.
Little Mia Grace, a beautiful six-pound bundle, changed everything. The moment I held her, I realized that parting with her would be unimaginable. When the nurse placed Mia in Jake’s arms, the look he gave me was filled with tears. Our eyes communicated a silent truth that words couldn’t express.
“We have to keep her,” Jake whispered.
Those five words led to one of the hardest moments of my life. I had to inform Mia’s adoptive parents, who had prepared a nursery and hosted a baby shower, that I was choosing to keep my baby girl. Telling the woman I imagined would be Mia’s mother that she could not take her home broke my heart. I struggled to meet her gaze as she wept. The weight of that moment was excruciating. The thought of giving my daughter away felt like a betrayal to my own flesh and blood. I couldn’t bear the idea of only seeing her every few months.
Many people fail to understand the heartache faced by biological parents who change their minds about adoption. Yes, it’s devastating for adoptive parents who have invested hope and effort into preparing for a child. But the emotional turmoil for a birth mother who has carried a child for nine months, feeling them grow and then holding them for the first time, is equally profound. The bond formed during pregnancy is not easily severed, and the pain of that separation is unimaginable.
The dissolution of the adoption plan was painful. It hurt even more when the prospective adoptive parents blocked me on social media and publicly criticized me and Jake — posting about how “poor, sweet Mia” would be raised by “mentally unstable teenagers.” It pained me to hear such disparaging remarks from a couple we believed we had a connection with. While we understood their frustration, the personal attacks were unexpected and hurtful.
Determined to provide Mia with the best life possible, we pressed on.
Fast forward three years later: I’m now a high school senior, preparing for graduation in May. I’ve been accepted into Berklee College of Music in Boston, and Jake will be attending Boston College at the same time. We are fortunate to have additional support from my girlfriend, who is studying at MIT, and family nearby. We’ve secured an excellent daycare for Mia and an amazing preschool for her when she turns four.
Our future is bright.
Although Jake and I are no longer together, we maintain a strong friendship. We are committed co-parents who love our daughter deeply, even if we are not married. Mia will grow up surrounded by a loving support system that includes step-parents (or two, since I identify as bisexual). She will be nurtured, supported, and given every opportunity to thrive.
This journey has been unpredictable and challenging, but I have never regretted my decision to keep my daughter. She is my everything, my purpose, and my source of joy. Imagining life without her is simply unfathomable.
For more information on pregnancy and parenting resources, check out this excellent site, the CDC, which provides valuable insights about pregnancy. If you’re considering family planning options, you can also explore artificial insemination kits available at this link. For further reading on similar topics, visit Modern Family Blog.
Summary:
In this heartfelt account, a young mother recounts her journey of deciding against adoption after the birth of her daughter, Mia. Reflecting on the emotional complexities of pregnancy and motherhood, she shares her experiences with the adoption process, the challenges she faced, and ultimately, the joy of keeping her child. Despite the struggles, she embraces her role as a loving parent and looks forward to a bright future with her daughter.