I Once Held Myself to 1950s Housewife Standards—Until I Woke Up

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I have a slight obsession with mid-century modern decor and the aesthetics of the 1950s. The allure of A-line dresses, pearls, and vintage style captivates me, instilling a desire to don a full skirt and a charming hat, all while perched on a mid-century modern sofa in my heels. However, I never anticipated that this romanticized vision of a 1950s housewife would infiltrate my mindset as a parent, and if I’m being honest, it began to sabotage my happiness.

Growing up, I wasn’t raised in a home that adhered to those ideals. As a child of the ’80s, I didn’t even watch classic shows like Leave it to Beaver. Instead, my family enjoyed programs like Roseanne and The Cosby Show, where women juggled careers and household responsibilities. So, it perplexes me how a notion took root in my mind that dinner must be served as my partner walked through the door and that I should greet him with a smile—even on my worst days. After all, I should be grateful for the opportunity to stay home, right?

Despite recognizing the absurdity of these expectations, I found myself trapped in them. Fast forward to 2023, and I’m still battling the stereotype that snuck into my consciousness long ago. Eventually, I realized it was far too exhausting (not to mention unrealistic) to uphold these standards.

Did women in the past really accomplish it all alone? The answer is no. My parents worked throughout my childhood, and we were a middle-class family in a small Texas town. Yet, I believed I could do better, which morphed into the notion of being a 1950s-style housewife.

I remember telling my husband during our newlywed days, when we were both working full-time, that all I desired was the chance to be a stay-at-home mom. I vowed to have a homemade dinner ready each night, to maintain a spotless home, and to ensure our kids were always happy. Cue the maniacal laughter.

We both believed that my staying home would benefit our children, so when our first child was born, we made financial sacrifices to make it work. Eleven years later, he remains the family’s primary breadwinner, while I manage the household, which includes everything from packing lunches and tracking school deadlines to doing laundry and making sure our kids stay safe. I’m the one who prepares dinner most nights, with dining out being a rare treat.

It struck me about a year ago that I was chasing an unrealistic ideal: the house must be spotless, and dinner should be warm when my husband arrives home. This pressure was suffocating and detrimental to my well-being. My husband has never expected me to conform to traditional norms; he never asked for pearls and a casserole. So why did I?

Somewhere along the line, I idealized the 1950s housewife as the epitome of motherhood perfection. As a perfectionist, I sought to reach this unattainable standard, despite never witnessing it in my home or among my friends.

I now understand how damaging this mindset was. It exacerbated my struggles with anxiety and depression whenever I felt I fell short. I felt like a failure if we had chicken nuggets for dinner instead of a gourmet meal. How could I live up to my promise of always having dinner prepared?

I realize now that I am not alone in this pursuit of perfection. Many women grapple with similar expectations, but I have chosen to break free from them. Striving for an ideal that only made me miserable has no place in my life. One day, I simply decided that I wanted to love myself more than I wanted to appear as though I had everything under control. That was my turning point.

In my home, there are no scorecards. Nobody is counting healthy meals versus fast food. No one judges me for how often I wash towels or if I forget to take my child to piano lessons. The only one keeping track was me. So I ask: why was I doing this to myself?

If you find yourself ensnared by the distorted ideals of a bygone era, it’s time to break free. Perfection is a myth—no one has a flawless life, perfect children, or a picture-perfect family. Embrace the chaos and the beautiful mess that comes with being a modern woman striving to do it all. Celebrate your ability to juggle responsibilities, and let go of the outdated expectations. You’ll find immense relief and joy in accepting the beautifully imperfect life you already have.

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