Every mother experiences dark days—those long stretches that begin at dawn and seem to extend endlessly into the night. Days when the thought of one more meal request or the burden of another diaper change feels insurmountable. It’s during these times that the fatigue we face is not only physical, but mental, making us feel as though the happiness of those around us rests solely on our shoulders.
This kind of darkness can be isolating, often intertwined with feelings of anger and fear. Yet, it’s important to recognize that such feelings are completely normal. Many of us have been there, and we all seek different forms of solace during these tough moments. What we don’t need, however, is unsolicited advice on how to “snap out of it,” reminders of our #blessed lives, or comments suggesting we’re being ungrateful.
On those challenging days of motherhood, phrases like “you are not alone” can feel hollow. As we navigate the chaos, perhaps with our children bickering over a toy, it’s hard to remember that anyone else exists. Similarly, telling us “this too shall pass” often falls on deaf ears when we are entrenched in the moment, desperately trying to manage a homework standoff that leaves us feeling like the parent we never wanted to become.
We also don’t want to hear, “enjoy every second.” When our hair is greasy and unkempt and we’re following a toddler who insists on devouring rice straight from the takeout box, joy seems a distant concept. And please, spare us the platitudes about how “a messy house is a normal house.” For many, a cluttered environment heightens anxiety and frustration.
While these dark days are not a daily occurrence, when they strike, we crave empathy more than advice. We do not want sugar-coated words meant to dull our pain. The struggle we face is real, and instead of false positivity, we seek companionship in our suffering. We want someone to say, “I understand; I’ve walked that path too.” It’s essential to acknowledge our feelings, to sit with them, and let them exist without shame.
Just as we encourage our children to express their emotions, we too need affirmation for our own feelings. Often, we suppress our struggles, prioritizing everyone else’s needs over our own, which is unhealthy. We must voice even our most challenging emotions, allowing them space to breathe.
Most mothers love their children fiercely; we recognize the joy they bring to our lives. Yet, on dark days, it’s vital to be honest with ourselves and others. The reality is that articulating our struggles can sometimes feel like a taboo, risking perceptions of ingratitude or negativity. But can’t we just be human?
What we really require is less unsolicited advice and more genuine listening—without judgment or the pressure to tidy up our feelings. We need to hear someone say, “Yes, some days motherhood is incredibly tough. And yes, you can feel utterly alone.” We already know that these times will eventually pass, so we don’t need reminders about missing these moments later.
While those dark days will fade, it is crucial for us to feel comfortable navigating through them without guilt or pretense. Embracing this process can be cathartic, leading us from the shadows back into the light.
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In summary, on those tough days of motherhood, what we need most is understanding, empathy, and the freedom to express our authentic feelings without fear of judgment.