In the midst of parenting three young children, my husband and I designated Tuesday as our “No TV Night” — a precious time for us to bond amid the chaos. However, with holiday preparations piling up, we decided to shift our “No TV Night” to Wednesday and catch up on one of our favorite shows at its scheduled time instead.
But it wasn’t the current episode that affected me; it was the preview for next week. That brief 30-second clip flooded me with overwhelming emotion. In this week’s episode, we learned that Kate suffered a miscarriage, and the portrayal of her and her husband’s heartache felt too familiar.
Fourteen months ago, my partner and I faced a similar loss, one that mirrored Kate and Toby’s situation — an early miscarriage, the kind that feels almost expected. It’s a reality many are aware of, which is why we often hesitate to share the news of pregnancy until later.
However, the experience was anything but easy.
Those days following our loss were among the loneliest I’ve ever known. There was a strange sense of guilt; I felt we shouldn’t be grieving so deeply, as others have endured losses much later in their pregnancies. Yet, the pain was real.
During the weekend of the procedure to remove our baby, we took turns crying in silence. Eventually, I suggested that we confront our grief head-on. We learned through genetic testing that our baby was a girl, so we created a list of names to honor her memory, ultimately choosing one after her great-great-grandmother. That night filled with tears and dreams about what she might have been like was gut-wrenching.
Soon after, we became pregnant again, and our son arrived—a beautiful addition to our family. In some ways, it felt wrong to grieve for the daughter we lost when my heart was filled with joy for the son we now had. Yet, the complexity of those emotions was overwhelming.
I thought I had processed my grief, but that brief clip from the show reopened old wounds. My husband and I found ourselves embracing in the same way we did that painful night, realizing that the grief would always linger just beneath the surface.
This past year has been tumultuous; our son faced health issues that nearly took him from us. As I looked in the mirror last night, I barely recognized myself—swollen eyes and a face that reflected weariness. I’m tired of seeing that image staring back at me.
Consequently, I’ve decided to skip this week’s episode. While I appreciate the creators for bringing authentic life experiences to television, some moments are simply too hard to relive. If you’re navigating similar feelings or considering options like at-home insemination, be sure to check out this at-home insemination kit or explore more resources on IVF for deeper insights into fertility. For those seeking support in their parenting journey, you can visit Modern Family Blog to find valuable articles on these topics.
In summary, while I cherish the storytelling of shows like ‘This Is Us,’ sometimes the emotional toll they can take is too much to bear.