My ex-partner and I made the decision to separate over a year ago, and it was a mutual choice. While we both believed it was for the best, the weeks that followed were some of the toughest I’ve ever faced. Today, we find ourselves on the other side of that challenging experience, and I’ve gained profound insights about love, loss, and the importance of letting go.
I now view the man who was once my husband as a friend. Together, we are raising our three children and live within close proximity to one another. I’ve even met and liked his new girlfriend. We occasionally grab lunch to discuss our lives and our kids’ happenings. Just last Sunday, he dropped the kids off and stayed for dinner. After a few hours, we exchanged glances that communicated readiness for him to leave, yet also an understanding that we are making choices that benefit both us and our children — and we are at peace with that.
Our arrangement may raise eyebrows; some people have expressed disbelief that we are not together anymore. Initially, I was perplexed by these comments. They made me question our decision. Should we remain together just because we hadn’t reached the point of animosity? Was there something worth holding onto?
Now, I can chuckle at that confusion because I’ve found clarity. No, we aren’t making a mistake by divorcing. Yes, we have something worth preserving — our relationship is being safeguarded by choosing to part ways now.
Spending a few hours together and sharing a meal is vastly different from living under the same roof. There are many people I enjoy being around, but that doesn’t mean I want them as a life partner, and the same goes for him.
It’s entirely possible to appreciate someone without wanting to be married to them. While it may seem perplexing, our feelings about our current situation validate our choices. We lead mostly separate lives while still sharing important moments. Our connection through our children is stronger than any lingering resentment. I believe one reason we can set aside negativity is that we are no longer a couple.
In many respects, we still function as a family, and I feel fortunate for that. We both recognize that we could have stayed together longer, but we agree that it would have eroded whatever bond remained and made things unbearable.
It may sound unusual, but there are parents who genuinely like each other and can tolerate spending time together, yet that doesn’t mean they should remain married. Some ex-couples have wisely chosen to split before resentment takes root, understanding that their best chance at preserving what they had was to separate. This doesn’t imply they’ve given up or taken the easy route; it simply means they’ve carved their own path.
Of course, some couples manage to rekindle their relationship and rediscover their love. However, that wasn’t our reality. We wanted to be that couple, but we just weren’t.
When you’ve tried everything possible and recognize that the current situation is untenable, sometimes walking away is the healthiest choice. If you can maintain civility, share an occasional meal to discuss the kids, and genuinely feel happiness for one another’s new lives, that’s a bonus. For more insights on family dynamics, check out this authoritative resource that delves deeper into these complexities.
In summary, separating before hate could take root has allowed us to preserve a positive relationship for the sake of our children. We’ve learned that it’s entirely feasible to care for someone while recognizing that marriage isn’t the right fit anymore. Acknowledging this truth has been liberating, and it has enabled us to approach our new lives with understanding and respect.