As I reflect on the past 14 years of my marriage, I can’t help but think about how much I’ve learned along the way. We exchanged vows on a chilly Midwestern Saturday many years ago, having known each other for five years. At the time, it felt like a lifetime, yet I realize now that we had only scratched the surface of what it truly meant to know one another.
Looking back on our wedding day, all I could focus on was marrying the charming man I adored and wearing a stunning dress. I had my “something old, new, borrowed, and blue,” but the real lessons about marriage were not shared with me. Now, after over a decade together, I understand that the essence of marriage extends far beyond the extravagant dress, the imperfect bouquet that made me shed a tear, or the expensive wedding cake that cost as much as a year’s tuition at private school.
Marriage, I’ve learned, encompasses so much more than those fleeting moments. It’s about standing firm when hope seems distant and choosing to stay when leaving might seem simpler. It’s about forgiving one another through dishonesty and heartbreak, showing respect even when faced with disrespect, and extending empathy during times of profound loss. It involves navigating the tumultuous waters of communication, often seeking the guidance of multiple counselors to get it right.
It’s about admitting when you’re wrong, even though I maintain that I am rarely at fault. It’s finding humor in the chaos—like when I was overwhelmed as a new mother, struggling with breast milk and a fussy baby while pleading for my husband’s help (let’s just say it was a memorable experience!). It’s about believing in one another, especially when self-doubt creeps in.
True love transcends physical changes, whether it’s weight gain or loss (and we both know which side of that equation I’m on!). It’s about summoning the energy to care for our four children, tackling impossible homework, and enduring the endless cycle of diaper changes while still managing to get through bath time and brushing teeth. It’s about patience during those sleepless nights when newborns cry or when nightmares plague our little ones after too many late-night TV marathons.
It’s about supporting your partner at soccer games, even when you want to pretend you don’t know them. It’s about nurturing an anxious child who you know is brilliant, despite their own doubts. It’s about sharing in the profound heartbreak during tough times, such as receiving devastating news about health challenges. It’s about being a caregiver and showing kindness, even when you feel inadequate, as you navigate your partner’s suffering.
Holding it together while facing medical challenges can be overwhelming, but remembering the vibrant, joyful person you fell in love with helps. The love I feel now is deeper and more powerful than the butterflies I experienced on our first date or the passion of our wedding night (though perhaps the amaretto sours had a hand in that!). It’s a profound joy to realize that you can’t love anything more than when you look into the eyes of the child you’ve created together.
Those vows we took years ago are the foundation of what we live today, despite all the bumps and detours along the way. Together, we face life’s challenges in sickness and health, through good times and bad, every single day. That’s the essence of marriage, and that’s what truly matters.
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To sum up, marriage is an intricate journey filled with love, resilience, and growth. Each challenge we face together strengthens the bond we share, proving that love truly transcends the momentary joys of a wedding day.