In the first two years of my first child’s life, I held a job outside our home. I remember the day I dropped him off at daycare for the first time, just five months old, clutching bags filled with frozen breast milk, formula (just in case), diapers, and a change of clothes. I’d arrive around 7 AM, my heart heavy with tears that flowed all the way to my office. My evenings were spent picking him up between 5:30 and 6 PM, rushing home to cook dinner, feed him, and navigate the chaos of family life.
Everything felt overwhelming. I hadn’t known my husband long before we got pregnant and tied the knot, so adjusting to life with him was a challenge. We argued frequently, and on top of that, I was figuring out motherhood—definitely no easy task. To top it off, my job was demanding, complete with a boss who seemed like a character straight out of a sitcom.
In the midst of all this, the idea of being a Stay-at-Home Mom (SAHM) became a fantasy I often daydreamed about. I envied those who had all the time to cook, clean, engage in intellectually stimulating games with their kids, and reclaim their postpartum bodies. I would roll my eyes at their complaints on social media about how hard it was being a mom. “Oh please!” I’d think, “You have no idea what real challenges are.”
After my second child arrived, I decided to leave my job, thinking I’d finally have the time to tackle everything: the dishes, the floors, and even personal projects. But the reality of being a SAHM hit me like a ton of bricks. I soon realized that my home felt tidier when I was working. I only had about an hour each morning to myself before the kids woke up—an hour I chose to spend on self-care rather than cleaning. The result? I was left trailing behind my little tornadoes all day. Eventually, I surrendered to the chaos; why bother cleaning up when it would only get messy again?
As for the dishes, they were a never-ending battle. Just as I thought I had emptied the dishwasher, one of the kids would need a snack or a drink, leaving me with a perpetually full sink.
More than just the mess, I had imagined that being home would allow me to complete personal projects and pursue a fulfilling career path. However, I quickly discovered that I had merely traded one boss for another—this time, it was my children, who required my constant attention, from diaper changes to playtime, and everything in between.
Now, I feel compelled to conclude with a heartfelt sentiment about the joys of being a Stay-at-Home Mom. But truthfully, I can’t. I’m still uncertain whether leaving my job was the right decision, or if my kids are truly better off with me at home.
What I do know for certain is that the dishes are still waiting for me.
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