It’s 7 p.m. Your child is in full meltdown mode, resisting bath time with all his might. Tears stream down his face, marking a path through the day’s grime. You’ve tried everything—bribes, a calm voice, visual schedules, and timers—yet nothing seems to work. The simple request for a bath has turned into an uphill battle, and you’re left feeling drained and bewildered.
You know that giving in could set a precedent—after all, you don’t want to be seen as an easy target. But at the same time, you can feel the impending meltdown looming, and it’s a situation where no one truly wins. Taking a deep breath, you remind yourself that this moment isn’t about you. The question becomes: how can you help him through this?
Your son enjoys bath time; he loves water. He could play at the pool for hours if you let him. So what is it about this moment that makes it so hard for him? This is a bright boy who can compute math equations in his head and discuss how to build an airplane. Why can’t he grasp the idea of “grimy body = needs bath”?
Maintaining empathy during such meltdowns is easier said than done. It’s all too tempting to throw your hands up, blame autism, and wait for the storm to pass. I must admit, I often find myself doing just that, feeling overwhelmed by the chaos. I’m not the kind of parent who has all the answers neatly tucked away.
Yet, I’ve come to understand that autism is not something that can simply disappear. Some children may outgrow their diagnosis, while others may progress to the point of appearing indistinguishable from their neurotypical peers. However, many children remain on the spectrum, visibly or subtly. One day, your child might ask about autism or encounter it in the media. That’s the day we all need to be prepared for; it’s a day that keeps me grounded, preventing my own emotional upheaval.
My son is already familiar with the term “autism.” We wear clothing that promotes an “autism-positive” message, and he understands that it relates to how he perceives the world. At just 7 years old, he recognizes his differences. I strive to shield him from the fear that the autism label sometimes brings me. On the particularly difficult days filled with challenging behaviors, I resist the urge to blame autism. It’s a slippery slope, and I don’t want to fall into the trap of using it as a catchall explanation for why he might be struggling.
Yes, he is autistic, and that’s a significant aspect of who he is, but it’s not the entirety of his being. He is a joyful, expressive, sometimes moody, often silly little boy who also happens to have autism. His diagnosis is a part of him, but it doesn’t define him. He possesses both strengths and challenges, using his autism as a reason to express himself fully, even if that sometimes means a meltdown.
Autism is like a ship that our children must navigate daily. Sometimes they encounter storms, and at other times, they emerge unscathed. My role is to be there alongside him, helping him work through the day’s challenges while also allowing him to explore and learn from new experiences. His tears contribute to his growth just as much as his successes do. As a mother who often hovers, letting go can be incredibly difficult. He rebounds from his emotional storms with remarkable speed, while I still feel the aftershocks hours later.
Ultimately, it’s not about me; it’s about him. He is the one in the trenches, facing these challenges while I support him from the sidelines. When he reaches his teenage years and we have mature conversations about autism, I hope he remembers my pride in his resilience rather than my moments of worry.
I wipe away my invisible tears and join him on the floor, where his anger is beginning to dissipate. I offer him a choice—a quick shower or perhaps a fun plastic bath in the backyard. A sprinkle of water catches him off guard, and soon he’s giggling. Just like that, he’s back to the happy boy who was eager to jump into the bath I had prepared for him. Tired but okay. And so am I.
For those interested in exploring more about autism in relation to parenting and challenges, you can check out this useful resource on artificial insemination. There are also some great insights on pregnancy and home insemination kits available at Make A Mom to keep the conversation going.
In summary, while autism presents its unique struggles, the love and joy my son brings into my life far outweigh any difficulties.